A House Is Not A Home
by heyheylindsay
Summary: From the time they sang their first notes, Rachel and Finn were destined to be together. So what happened to them? Can they fix their mistakes and get it back? FutureFic.
1. Finalizing

**Bonjour!**

_Right, so I haven't done FF in a VERY long time. I'm currently taking a fiction class for my minor though and I was inspired by being Glee-less all summer and that makes me sad. So here's a fic for all of those who are dying without it like I am!_

_DISCLAIMER, ETC: I don't own Glee or the characters. If I did, that would be awesome._

_Enjoy! And please review! :)_

**

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CHAPTER 1: Finalizing  
**

The click of the lock echoed in the foyer as Rachel Berry entered the empty house.

She stood at the entryway for a long moment, just staring. Her retinas soaked up the quiet living space, and she tried to repress the memories that flooded her mind as she looked around. She couldn't believe she was back here. She was shocked that she found the strength to get on the airplane to fly back to Lima, and floored when she found herself mechanically getting out of the car and up the walkway. Now, standing in the doorway, she felt as though all of her strength was sucked out of her and that she was going to fall over in defeat at any minute.

Finally, Rachel took a few steps, cautiously pulling her rolling luggage with her. Her breath seemed to slow as the sound of her heels drummed against the linoleum, startling her. For a quick moment, she caught her reflection in the decorative mirror hanging on the side wall. She was tired from a long day of traveling, her energy completely guzzled and thoughts plagued by the task she had to complete while she was here.

After what seemed like another long moment, Rachel gently set her keys down on a small end table located near the front door—a motion that she'd done countless times once before. She ran her fingers delicately over the cherry-wood surface, only stopping to stare absently at a picture frame that was placed in the middle of the table.

The two people in the photo smiled blissfully up at her. Rachel lifted her fingers from the table and ran her thumb over each of the two faces—one of them being her own. Both of them were dressed up: her in a puffy gold dress and he in a black dress-shirt and a gold tie. It seemed like another life ago. It practically was.

Rachel knew that it would be easy to return after all this time, but she never thought that it would be this hard.

She tore her eyes away from the picture before the lump in her throat could grow any larger. She turned to look into the rest of the small, quaint house. It was quiet, the only sound coming from the soft hum of the refrigerator in the kitchen. Her eyes darted from the dining room to the living room, and Rachel fought to repress another memory—this time of tickle fights and cuddling during late-night sports games that she only pretended to understand.

She didn't even want to look at the bedroom. She feared the memories associated with it would make it entirely unbearable to breathe. She'd stay in the guest bedroom or even a motel if she had to.

Rachel's stomach churned uncomfortably as she pushed her suitcase into a corner and walked to the kitchen slowly to wash her hands, still soaking up the image of the place she was standing in. As she methodically scrubbed her hands, she thought of how comfortable she once felt here. How this tiny, charming place was home to her—how it and the person in it was all she needed to be happy.

But that was a long time ago. Now it was just a house. It wasn't a home.

...

As Finn pulled up the driveway, he let a sigh escape his lips. It had been a long day of work. It had been a long day in general. Every day recently, Finn had noticed, felt like a long one.

After putting his car in park, he leaned his head down on the steering wheel for a brief moment. Rubbing the back of his neck with his hand, his brows furrowed as he thought about his day. His boss had been such a pain-in-the-ass lately, and today was no exception. While he was grateful for having a fairly successful job in Lima, it still didn't soften the blow that he was still stuck in the small town. For a few years after high school it didn't bother him at all. He had worked hard in community college earning his AA, and as a result he landed a sales job at the biggest car dealership in the county. He made a decent salary, which he was also grateful for. It enabled him to provide for his family. It helped him buy the house.

The house that he had once shared with her.

Cutting the engine, Finn got out of the car before his thoughts continued to wander in a dangerous direction. He didn't want to think about Rachel right now. He walked up the walkway and unlocked the front door, sighing as he put down his things. As he went to go put his keys down on the end table, he noticed another pair that was already sitting there.

Finn looked up, puzzled. He eyes met the suitcase in the corner.

Finn cautiously walked through the threshold of the house. His steps echoed as he crossed into the dining room, and they stopped as he paused to look on into the living room and then into the kitchen. Still not spotting anyone, he stood in the center of the room for a minute. He futilely fought the urge to disappear into a train of thoughts and memories—something he found himself frequently trying to do, especially during down time at work. It was only when he heard soft, dainty footsteps behind him that he snapped out of his reverie.

He turned around and his eyes met a pair of chocolate ones. His breath hitched in his throat.

"Hi Finn," she said softly.

Finn guessed he probably looked like a fish. His mouth gaped slightly and his expression was stunned. What was she doing here? After all this time?

"Uh, hi," he said, mentally slapping himself as the phrase came out of his mouth.

He often dreamed of this exact moment when he did let himself slip into a daydream. What he would say to her the first time they saw each other, what he would do. Sometimes he'd dream of being somewhat debonair—whisking her off her feet, leaning her back and just kissing her senseless. Other times he imagined yelling at her or even crying, and each time she'd run to him, wrap him in her small arms and kiss his face. Every time he pictured the moment, no matter which way he conjured it up, it always ended up in him carrying her into the same place—their bedroom. It was right then that he'd snap out of it, not allowing his imagination to take him any further.

It seemed like they had been staring at each other for hours before someone spoke again. She looked older since the last time he saw her, but she also looked tired. Her eyes were a bit sunken in and she had prominent dark circles under them. Her hair was tied back, which was unusual for her.

"Wh…what are you doing here?" Finn finally asked.

"The lawyers called me," she said quietly. "They said they needed me present in order to officially file for the…" she trailed off, lingering on the last word. She couldn't say it, and bit her lip instead.

"Oh."

They were silent again.

"When's the meeting?" Finn asked. "With the lawyers, I mean."

"Friday morning," she responded. "We're both supposed to be there, I guess. For a mediation."

Finn nodded and said nothing for a moment. So, this was really happening. They were getting a divorce. He looked down at Rachel's hands, which were twisted into each other. She separated them, and then started to play with her ring. His heart skipped a beat when he noticed that she was still wearing it.

"Look," Rachel began. "I can stay at a motel if you want. I would stay with my dads, but they already sold their house in order to move to New York…"

"Your dads are moving to New York?" Finn asked, interrupting her. It was like someone punched him in the gut. He'd see the Berry's from time-to-time around town, and they were always cordial to him, despite everything. They were the only real, tangible things related to her that he had left in Lima…

"Yeah. Upstate. To be closer to me…" She said without any inflection. For the first time since locking eyes with her earlier, he attempted to look at her face. It was turned downward, her eyes facing the floor.

"Oh, that's nice," Finn said, emulating her awkward tone. Rachel looked up at him with cautious eyes.

"Look, Finn, if this is too awkward," Rachel started, but then changed her tone to a more bitter one as she continued, "or too 'unbearable' to be in the same house as me as you so kindly put it the last time we saw each other, I can stay somewhere else…I just didn't know where to place a reservation since it was kind of a last minute trip. I didn't think I had to be here when…well, when all of this was being taken care of."

Finn turned around and headed toward the fridge. He couldn't stand to stare at her for another second at the moment—it was like he was under water on the ocean floor and couldn't push up to breathe. He walked into the kitchen attempting to calm himself, and grabbed a cold bottle of beer.

"No," he said formally after popping off the cap and taking a few gulps. The alcohol instantly soothed his churning stomach—he was always a bit of a lightweight, despite his size. "No, you should stay here. I mean, until the papers are signed, it's your house too, right?"

Finn walked out of the kitchen and passed Rachel as she silently stood in the dining room. He flopped down on the couch and grabbed the remote, flipping on ESPN. He turned up the volume to a higher-than-normal decibel, hoping he could drown out his own thoughts with the noise.

Rachel sighed, still unmoving.

"Right," she whispered. "I guess so."

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_WELLLL!_

_Please review! Obbbbviously they still love each other. There's going to be a lot of fighting (and making up? hmm...) along the way!_

_Thanks everyone! :)_


	2. It was just a dream

**Wow!**

_Thanks for all the reviews, everyone! Since it got a good response I decided to put up the new chapter :) There's a little more fluff to this one, and there will be some through out the story, don't you worry!_

_And you'll begin to find out what happened to them coming up in the next few chapters._

_Keep reviewing!_

_DISCLAIMER: Once again, I don't own Glee. If I did, I would've met all the actors by now and we'd be bffs or something (which would ROCK, obviously)._

_

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_**CHAPTER 2: It was j****ust a dream**

Rachel mindlessly twirled the silver, diamond encrusted band around her left finger, lost in a transient of thoughts. It had been almost a year since they had seen each other, and their reunion was so…insipid. She felt empty inside, and even worse, she felt hopeless.

Part of her wanted Finn to cross the threshold where they were standing earlier and close the distance between them—to take her in his arms, kiss her, and tell her that everything was going to be alright. She wanted him to tell her that they could get back to the way they were, that they could be Finn and Rachel again.

Rachel knew it was asinine. Too much had happened in the months they had been apart. Too much had happened in the weeks before she left. And now she was merely days away from severing ties with Finn completely.

Rachel never considered herself to be the foolish girl. Sure, she had her moments, but she prided herself on the fact that she always tried to be the rational, level-headed one. Rachel never imagined she'd end up married and on her way to becoming divorced by the age of 24.

Rachel Berry, a divorcee! The thought made her snort humorlessly. While this would make a compelling addition to her E! True Hollywood story when she finally made it big, she didn't take much of a liking to it. Especially because it meant things were over with Finn forever…

Sighing to herself, Rachel flipped over to lie on her back and stare at the ceiling, continuing her thoughts. She didn't want to face the one that had been subtly scratching her subconscious: things had been over with Finn for a long time.

It wasn't always like this. Rachel could remember the days where they were happy and blissfully in love. But like all good things, she had come to realize that they come to an end. They had all her life: Glee club, high school (despite her earlier detest for it, she really grew to love it once she made good friends), her run as Maria in West Side Story for the small theater company she belonged to in New York…and now Finn.

Closing her eyes, Rachel allowed herself to delve into her memories for a brief moment at the reminiscence of Glee club. After suppressing her thoughts for so long, she had almost forgotten about the club that embodied her entire high school experience. It had been Glee club that led her to her dreams, led her to Finn. And it was Finn who led her to this place she was in now.

Rachel let a sad and frustrated sigh escape her lips. High school seemed like another life ago; now she was days away from leaving Lima forever, and currently staying in the guest bedroom of her own house.

Rachel could remember clearly the day she and Finn moved into the house, four years ago. She was so happy. She felt as though her life was just beginning, and as though nothing could stop them…

...

_"Finn! Can you help me with this box?" Rachel shouted as she staggered up the walkway. The giant box was bigger than she was and felt as though it weighed twice as much as she did._

_She felt a pair of big, strong hands replace her own. Barely hearing a remark about her attempting to be some sort of Marvel superhero (she never understood those references), she felt the weight suddenly evaporate from her arms._

_"Thank you!" She laughed. "I thought I was going to topple over at any second."_

_"Well maybe you shouldn't try to carry in the heaviest boxes, goober," Finn teased. "There's a box of bedding and pillows in the truck, I think that may be in more of your lifting range."_

_"Gee, thanks," Rachel feigned offense. She knew he was right, though, and went to fetch the box he had been referring to._

_After carrying in the last of the decorative pillows for their bedroom and the couch, Rachel smiled contentedly and locked up the front door. That had been enough for today. Taking them out of their boxes, Rachel laid them one by one on the floor in the living room, smiling with pride as she looked at each one of them._

_"Hey Rach," Finn asked bemused, "why do you have about ten decoration pillows for our couch when we haven't even bought one yet?"_

_Rachel pouted. "I don't know. I just wanted it to look pretty as soon as we got it."_

_Finn's face shifted from a look of amusement to one that was a little more serious. His forehead creased in worry._

_"Rachel, you know we probably…er…we probably won't have a couch for a while. I mean, we're struggling enough already to pay for the mortgage and the water bills and stuff. I'm trying to work overtime at the dealership for a promotion but I don't know when it'll happen…I'm going to try really hard so we have enough money for one though. I want this to feel like home. I—"_

_Rachel cut off Finn's rambling, pressing her index finger to his lips._

_"Shh," she said, calming him. "I don't care about that. We can be couch-less for all I care."_

_Finn gave her a perplexed look._

_"Finn, I don't care if this house has a single piece of furniture in it!" Rachel said. "As long as you're in it, that's all I need to be happy, and for it to feel like home."_

_Finn stared at her, stunned._

_"You're amazing, you know that?" He said. Rachel let out a small giggle. "No Rachel, I mean it. I know how…prideful…you are. And I know you're sacrificing a lot, especially with people thinking we're so crazy to get married so young and stuff…I just feel like you're giving up your dream for me. I don't want to hold you back."_

_This made Rachel laugh even more. Of course he would bring up the wedding, which was occurring in just a little over three weeks._

_"Finn, I don't think we're crazy," Rachel said. "I think by waiting to get married, we're just prolonging the inevitable. And I'm not giving up my dream. My dream is to be with you; everything else is simply a distraction, and something that can easily be worked around."_

_Finn stared at Rachel for a moment, completely taken by her. Her kindness, her graciousness, her presence…it was all so intoxicating._

_"I kind of like you, you know that?" Finn said finally, a playful smile tugging at the corners of his mouth._

_Rachel laughed before responding, "Yeah, you're okay."_

_Finn inched closer and pressed his lips to hers. Rachel sighed into the kiss as her heart rate began to accelerate to twice it's normal speed. She kissed him back with full force, parting her lips slightly, allowing him to deepen it—in which he obliged happily. Rachel wrapped her arms around his neck, and Finn leaned her back to lie her down on one of her decorative pillows._

_"You know," Finn breathed as moved to kiss her neck, "just because we don't have a couch in here, doesn't mean this room isn't completely useless…"_

_"Already ahead of you," Rachel said and Finn lifted his head to see that she was undoing her blouse._

_He laughed for a moment before his eyes became smoldering._

_"I love you," he breathed. She smiled at him delightfully._

_"I love you, too."_

_He leaned down and began to pepper her midriff with kisses. She rolled her head back, completely enraptured, unbelieving that he was her's and her's alone…_

...

Rachel snapped back to reality. The realization that she was just remembering the past, that her dream was nothing more than that, hit her like a glass of ice-water to the face. There was a reason she didn't succumb to her memories anymore—it was because she didn't want to feel that hole again that seemed to rip through her abdomen.

Crawling out of bed, Rachel grabbed her jacket and slipped on a pair of flats. She needed fresh air. Walking across the room with conviction, she headed towards the door. She stopped suddenly when she saw the tall, built male that she had just dreamed about blocking the doorway.

"Rachel?" He spoke. She looked at him, still startled.

"We need to talk," Finn said.

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_Ooooh la la, what does he wanna say? hmmmm..._

_Once again, thanks for your kind reviews!_

_3 xoxo_


	3. Laying the blame

**Hello, everyone!**

_I'm so addicted to writing this story. So here's chapter 3! It gives few answers (but still remains extremely ambiguous...ha! I'm not letting you off that easily!) as to what happened between Finn and Rachel. Don't worry, it won't always be this harsh. Just gotta get that angst in there ;). I promise, you'll be very pleased eventually...and soonishly._

_Enjoy! And please review! Thanks!_

_DISCLAIMER: I don't own Glee or the characters, etc etc...if I did, I would've written myself a part, even though I cannot sing to save my life. ;)_

_

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**CHAPTER 3: Laying the blame**

Lying on the couch on his second consecutive hour of Sports Center, Finn let out what was probably his 600th aggravated sigh since he got home.

He shifted his pose uneasily. Deciding that he wasn't comfortable in his new lying position after a minute, he brought himself off the couch entirely and stood up. He walked to the kitchen and tossed his second beer bottle of the night into the recycling bin with a loud thud.

After a moment, he shot a cursory glance towards the hallway that led to the bedrooms. Finn guessed that she probably had the guest room door closed. There's no way she would've listened to the recounts of today's sporting events for the last two hours at the volume that he was blaring it. She would have stomped out of the room by now, her long chestnut hair flying behind her. She would have glared at him for a brief moment before saying something along the lines of "Your tympanic membrane is going to be punctured by the time that newscast is over! Turn it down!"

Or at least, the old Rachel would have.

And if he were the old Finn, he would have given her a lopsided smile before telling her that it wasn't a newscast, in an attempt to counter her enlarged vocabulary. She'd smile, roll her eyes and walk away, and as she did, Finn would turn it down.

Sighing to himself for the 601st time, Finn paced the kitchen floor in large strides. This was stupid. He didn't want things to be like this—but he didn't exactly have an idea of how things SHOULD be either. All he knew is that there was no way he could be under the same roof as her for three days without at least talking about what was going on.

However, that notion was a lot easier said than done.

Taking a heavy breath, Finn grabbed another beer from the fridge and popped off the cap, letting it flip and clank into the sink. He nursed it for a moment as he mulled over what he was going to say to Rachel when they spoke again. Was she going to stay in that room all night? She had to come out eventually, if at least to eat something.

He took a swig out of his bottle and opened the fridge again to check if he had anything vegan, knowing pretty well that he didn't. The first couple of months after she left, he kept some of her stuff in the fridge. When it went bad, he'd throw it away and buy more when he'd go grocery shopping…just in case she came back. After a while, he stopped buying it. It became less of a coping mechanism and more of a financial burden.

Finn stood in the kitchen for a while, losing himself in his thoughts. Finally, with his last few gulps of beer, he decided to stop thinking and just take action. It wasn't going to do either of them any good to just avoid each other before Friday's meeting.

Finn crossed the distance between the kitchen and the guest bed room and paused, his confidence momentarily frozen.

Should he knock? Obviously he couldn't just barge in, but it felt a little absurd to knock on the bedroom door of his own house. Before he had time to really make up his mind, the door flew open in a flurry.

His eyes met Rachel's briefly before quickly looking away. She looked slightly shocked, startled by his sudden appearance in front of her. Her face seemed a little blotchy…had she been crying? He suppressed the urge to stroke her face in consolation—a gesture that was once like second nature to him.

"Rachel? We need to talk…"

. . .

The air was still cool at this time of the year. Even though it was technically spring, the wind made Rachel tighten her jacket around her waist as they walked.

At first they had walked in silence. Although Finn had initiated, he wasn't quite sure how to let his thoughts come out of his mouth to form coherent sentences. Rachel seemed to be fine with the silence though, and Finn took advantage of it until he could formulate something. It was only until a few minutes had gone by and Rachel cleared her throat that he decided to finally speak.

"So uh," Finn began. "If the meeting is on Friday, why are you here now? It's only Tuesday."

It wasn't the most pressing of questions, but it seemed like the only one that wanted to come out.

"It was the only flight I could get really," Rachel said.

She also wanted to be able to take the time before the meeting to talk to Finn. If anything to make the whole process as civil as possible…but more so to make sense of what happened to them in the first place. She felt as though she lost the sense of which was up. She didn't know if she really wanted this. Of course, Rachel couldn't bring herself to tell him all of that.

"Are you, er, taking time off of performing or anything? Or is West Side Story done?" Finn asked. It had occurred to him as soon as he said it that Rachel never told him she had been performing. But he knew. Of course he knew.

Rachel was quiet for a second before speaking, not sure whether to be pleased or disconcerted that he had been finding out information about her.

"The show is over," she said. "So I have some down time before my next few auditions."

They were quiet again as they continued to walk down the sidewalk and around the block of their neighborhood. It was a walk they had made dozens of times before. Sometimes in the summer when the sun was setting, they would walk with their arms wrapped around each other, watching the pink and orange sky as it faded to the color of ink. Other times during the winter, they'd go out just to talk about anything and everything, kicking snow up from the ground as they walked.

Finn asked a few more inane questions as they rounded the corner. How were her dads ("good"), had she seen Mercedes since being in New York ("Yes, she's currently in the studio working on her second album. She sends her love."). Just when he was about to ask her if she had any auditions for a bigger theater company coming up, she interrupted him.

"Finn, did you really want to make small conversation when you came to my room earlier, or was there something you actually wanted to talk about?"

"Of course there is," Finn said. Before he had a chance to say anymore, Rachel spoke again.

"Well then, what is it?"

Finn's brows creased in irritation. The bitter, biting Rachel from the weeks before she left was still very much there.

"I was just making conversation," he spat, instantly annoyed. The alcohol in his system seemed to burn in his veins as his temper increased. "Sorry that I wanted to make this as civil as fucking possible. I mean, we are staying together until all this shit is over."

Rachel winced at his offensive language. She hadn't heard him curse in a very long time. Since before they were married.

"I don't appreciate the repulsive attitude," Rachel retorted. "I'm just curious as to why you so abruptly told me that you needed to speak with me after ignoring me for two hours. You had ample opportunity to come and talk to me. I highly doubt two hours of Sports Center was that gripping."

Finn's lips straightened into a thin line.

"I really didn't know how to approach you," he said honestly, his voice still ringing with venom. "You're not exactly the easiest person to talk to anymore."

"Oh that's great Finn," Rachel snorted. "Please, continue with your insults. It's not like I didn't hear them enough before I left."

"Oh that's right," Finn spat back. "I forgot how ANGELIC you are in this whole situation! I just attack you. You do nothing wrong. You know, except for your constant nagging and the fact that nothing I do is ever good enough for you!"

"Get over yourself, Finn! That's not even true. Quit putting words into my mouth!"

They were now approaching the house, and their arguing had reached a higher decibel. Finn was almost positive the neighbors could hear them.

"I'll get over myself as soon as you get off your fucking high horse, Rachel. You think you're better than me, that you're somehow above me?"

"Watch your language!" Rachel warned. "And there you go again with putting words into my mouth."

"Oh stop!" Finn yelled. "Let them all hear us, don't tell me to watch my language. And I can tell what you're thinking—I don't need to put words into your mouth because it's already in your head. We may hate each other now, but I can still read you like a book."

Rachel was quiet for a moment before speaking, this time in a normal tone.

"I don't hate you, Finn," she said. "I just hate what you've become."

They were standing outside the front door to the house now, looking directly into each other's eyes.

"And like I'm in love with the person you became? Rachel, I know we went through some rough shit, but you just completely shut me out! And when you finally turned yourself back on to the world, you were a completely different person. I tried to help you through it, to get us through it, I really did…but I can only do so much before I go absolutely insane. All you did every day was attack me!"

Rachel glared at him. She absently rubbed her abdomen.

"Well, it's a good thing you filed for divorce then, Finn. Now you can get rid of me completely and I won't ever have to 'attack you' again."

Her words knocked the wind out of him like a sack in a football game. She was calling him out, and rightfully so. He knew he was a coward to file the papers, but it was his only form of a defense mechanism. When she left for New York, she took his will to try with her. So instead of pushing through the pain of what they went through in order to reach out to her, he shipped out divorce papers instead. And now, instead of apologizing to her like he desperately wanted, he responded defiantly once again…

"You already made the choice before I filed. You made it the second you stepped on that plane for New York."

Rachel narrowed her eyes. The spot where she let her hand linger on her belly felt as though it was being kicked out by a pair of cleats.

Saying nothing more, she turned her heel and stormed through the front door letting it slam behind her, true to form.

Finn fumed for a moment. Despite his anger though, his heart couldn't help but do tiny somersaults as he watched her huff away.

She still had some of the old Rachel Berry tendencies. She was still, partially, his Rachel.

* * *

_Awww, he still loves her of course :')...but what happened between them that caused them to drift apart? hmm..._

_Thanks for reading everyone!_

_xoxo_


	4. Something missing

**Thanks everyone!**

_I've been reading all your reviews. I'm so honored! Thank you so much for your wonderful compliments :')._

_Don't you guys worry. Happytimes (and sexytimes :x) are coming eventually. I love my Finn and Rachel too much for them to be miserable forever. Hopefully this chapter (while emotional) gives some more insight as to what happened to them. Because the first step of reconciling is knowing what happened in the first place! ;)_

_Keep reviewing! I'll keep updating!_

_DISCLAIMER: I don't own Glee or the characters. If I did, I'd probably be an awesome dancer like HeMo or a baller singer like Lea. Onward!_

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**CHAPTER 4: Something missing**

Rachel was a pool of emotion as she re-entered the house. Her blood was bubbling in anger at Finn's words and his betrayal. Meanwhile, she felt like her heart was shriveling up with each ticking second. It was always the same argument with them. Even before she left. All they would do was lay the blame on this or that, but they'd always dance around the issue that was the real elephant in the room. Rachel never wanted to talk about it.

Fishing her iPod out of her bag, she put the earphones in her ear. She scrolled to her playlist full of selections from various musicals and pressed play. Rachel closed her eyes and let Barbara's voice fill her eardrums. She tried to drown out her thoughts before they had a chance to surface.

But it was to no avail.

Each song that played in her ears was like her own personal reminder of her life in the past.

When songs from Phantom of the Opera began to surface, she thought of the time she and Finn went to see it together in Cleveland, which was a surprise for her 20th birthday. When the voice of Elphaba from Wicked began to flood her ears, she was reminded on a deeper level how no good deed goes unpunished. Finn was a representation of that. No matter how much she tried to protect him—or herself—from the pain the world had caused them, they still fell apart.

Concluding that silence was probably better, Rachel shut off her music. She changed into her nightgown slowly, taking her time before she had to exit the safe haven of the bedroom to walk in the open to the guest bathroom. When she had gathered all of her things, she snuck out quietly.

Rachel could hear the TV—ESPN no doubt—as she crept into the bathroom. The last thing she wanted was for Finn to hear her. She had enough contact with him for one day.

Rachel unloaded her things out of her cosmetic bag and washed her face. She then moved on to brushing her teeth, making the motions slowly. As she began to get lost in another strand of thoughts, she started shifting things around in her bag, stopping abruptly when she came across a small, yellow compact. She lifted it slowly, the tiny pills making noise against the foil in her unsteady hand.

Staring at the package, her eyebrows creased as her string of thoughts faded into one particular memory…

. . .

_Rachel paced the small space in the dining room, waiting for Finn to come home. She had left her job at the community theater early, telling them she had an appointment she needed to go to. Really she just needed to come home and talk to her husband, but she wasn't quite sure how to tell him the news. She wasn't sure how he would take it…_

_In order to calm her nerves before he arrived, Rachel made dinner. Carefully whipping up Carole Hudson's recipe for spaghetti sauce—Finn's favorite—Rachel rehearsed what she was going to say in her head. She'd freeze once she got halfway through, imagining Finn being furious. Or worse, too upset to speak._

_When Finn arrived home, he walked over to his wife and greeted her with a kiss._

_"You're home early," he remarked, pleased. "And you made dinner? Awesome. I'm starving."_

_Rachel smiled as a response and the two sat down to eat._

_Throughout dinner, Rachel's heart was palpitating at an incredulous speed. Finn talked about his day, mainly about how his boss said that he had a real promising shot at becoming Assistant General Manager of the dealership._

_"Rach," Finn said. "Do you know what that means? I'd be making 70 or 80 thousand, easy. We could move. Somewhere nicer, bigger."_

_"I like our house," Rachel said as she thoughtfully sipped on her glass of water, her thoughts mostly preoccupied._

_"Well, I do too," Finn replied. "But we can't live here forever…later on, when we have kids and stuff, it's going to be way too small."_

_"Later on?" Rachel squeaked, her attention finally completely focused._

_Finn shrugged nonchalantly as he stuffed another forkful of spaghetti in his mouth._

_"Finn?"_

_Finn looked up from his dinner plate. Looking at Rachel, he noticed her eyes were brimmed with tears. He wiped his mouth with his napkin._

_"Rachel? What's wrong?"_

_"I'm um…I'm pregnant," Rachel stuttered after a minute of silence. "And I know that it's really soon, even though we've been married for almost two years, but I mean…I'm barely 22. And I know with everything that happened with Quinn and babygate and all in high school, you're probably not ready for this. And I'm so sorry. I should have been more careful. I stopped using contraception but I didn't think that—"_

_"You're pregnant?" Finn interrupted._

_Rachel stopped._

_"Yeah, I am. You must be furious with me…"_

_Finn looked incredulous._

_"Furious? Why would I be furious? Rachel, this is…this is amazing."_

_Rachel dropped her fork on her plate with a loud clang._

_"Amazing?" She asked._

_"Yes! I'm so happy! Aren't you?"_

_Rachel's mouth dropped._

_"Well, yes I'm happy. But you just said you wanted kids 'later on'. This is definitely not later on. I thought that you would be mad…"_

_"Rachel!" Finn exclaimed. He got up out of his chair and squatted on the ground, turning Rachel to face him in her seat. He cupped her hands in his. "I'm not mad, I'm ecstatic. We're going to have a family!"_

_A small, confused smiled tugged at Rachel's lips. She didn't say anything._

_"Baby, did you really think that I would be upset?"_

_"Well, yeah," Rachel said thoughtfully. "You know, with Quinn and everything. I mean, I know we're married, but we're still pretty young, Finn."_

_"Rachel, there's a big difference between you being pregnant and Quinn being pregnant."_

_Rachel stared at him, imploring him to continue. Finn smiled._

_"I was never in love with Quinn," he said simply. "And it wasn't my baby. This…this baby is ours. It's a piece of you and a piece of me. I can't believe it. Nothing can describe how happy I am right now."_

_Rachel's chocolate eyes began to well up at his words. Finn returned the gesture, his eyes becoming moist with tears as well. Rachel thought it couldn't be possible after their wedding day, but she never loved Finn more than she did in this moment. Every bit of apprehension she had seemed to vanish instantly._

_"Finn Hudson, you are and always will be the love of my life."_

_Finn smiled and leaned in to kiss her lips. Rachel kissed him back with vigor, her heart feeling like it may explode at any moment. It seemed as though his kiss made her feel butterflies right down to her toes. As she kissed him, her hands exchanged positions with his and she moved them to her abdomen._

_Finn broke off from their kiss and looked down at her belly. He leaned over and kissed it._

_"I love you," he said quietly to her stomach. The gesture made Rachel's tears spill over her eyes and on to her cheeks. She laughed. Finn lifted his head to look at her. "And I love you," he said, staring into her eyes._

_Rachel smiled and adoringly stroked his cheek, her thumb lingering on each of his prominent freckles._

_"But you know what this means, right?" Finn asked playfully before leaning in to kiss his wife again. "You are going to have to let me buy us a bigger house."_

. . .

Rachel squeezed her eyes shut tightly, trying to block the tears that seemed insistent upon coming. Absently, she reached to stroke her abdomen over her flowy pink nightgown, her heart breaking over the emptiness below it. Looking up into the bathroom mirror, she couldn't help but let out a small sob, followed continuously by other ones. Rachel broke down, letting her head fall slightly in defeat. She turned on the faucet to drown out the sounds so Finn couldn't hear from the living room.

After a few moments, Rachel tried to staunch the flow of salty tears. She took deep breaths through her nose, holding them, before exhaling through her mouth—a technique her therapist once taught her in high school. After a few minutes, she was able to stop completely.

Wiping her eyes, she looked down at the small yellow compact she was holding in her hands once more. She considered tossing it in the garbage, but instead, flipped it open and popped out the tiny pill.

She put it in her mouth and flushed it down with a handful of water before returning to the bedroom.

* * *

_Sad days :( at least we got some fluff! We know they're capable of loving each other wholeheartedly._

_I hate making my Rachel so sad. Boo. *sigh* What writers will do for their art..._

_Thanks again for reading! Until next time!_

_xoxo_


	5. An old friend

**Sorry!**

_I've sort of spoiled you guys by updating every day then I don't update for two days! haha sorry about that. This chapter is extra long to make up for it._

_Thanks so much for all your kind reviews. I'm having a blast writing this-I've missed writing fiction! I know a lot of you have questions, and I promise you they will all be answered :) and I promise that you'll all get the Fichel fluff we deserve. Because they deserve it, too!_

_DISCLAIMER: I do not own Glee or the characters. If I did, the show would run all year long and there would be no hiatuses or summer breaks. :D_

_

* * *

_**CHAPTER 5: An old friend**

Finn rubbed his eyes sleepily as his alarm clock lifted him out of a heavy dream.

Groggily, he slammed his hand on the device to turn off the blaring noise. 6 a.m. always came too soon it seemed, and it took him a moment before he had the strength to pull himself out of bed.

Stumbling to the bathroom, Finn splashed his face with cold water. Once he was done, he remained leaning on the sink and looked up at his reflection in the mirror. He tried to shake off the dream he had just been having, but his mind fought against him.

He had been dreaming about Rachel.

It was the first one he'd had in a while. When she first left, he tossed and turned every night, his mind plagued with dreams of her. Mostly they were nightmares, and he woke up in a cold sweat, worried for her. Other times, he couldn't remember the content. Those usually bugged him the most because they often left him in a state of confusion for the rest of his day; they left him feeling like something was missing.

Last night's, however, had been a good dream.

Trying not to dote on it, Finn lazily made his way to the kitchen, ready to begin his morning routine. It had been the same for years: up an hour early to leisurely read the paper and eat breakfast, then dressed and out the door by 7.

As he walked out into the hallway, his brain became more alert. The smell of coffee wafted towards him and he could hear something sizzling in a pan. Confused, Finn took larger strides towards the dining room.

"Morning," Rachel said sleepily. Finn's eyes widened, surprised by the scene in front of him. Rachel was cooking breakfast? She didn't have any trouble making herself—for lack of a better term—"at home" again.

"Er, good morning," Finn responded warily.

"Coffee?" Rachel asked.

Finn looked through the bar at Rachel, who was pouring the hot drink from the pot into a mug. Her hair was a haystack, and she was wearing a thin, pink robe over her nightgown. Before Finn could respond, she turned towards him and offered the mug.

"Thanks," he said, taking a sip. He paused for a moment and said, "you're up early."

"Yeah," Rachel replied, looking up at him. "I didn't really sleep well last night—that mattress we bought for the guest room is horrible. No wonder everyone hated sleeping in there when they came to visit…That one time when Kurt was here and wanted to go to that hotel downtown after sleeping one night here I was offended…now I understand his position."

Finn nodded and took another sip of his coffee.

Rachel sighed as she stirred scrambled eggs in the pan. Watching her, it suddenly occurred to him that Rachel hadn't been making that breakfast for herself. She was vegan. Scrambled eggs was always his favorite breakfast, and when they lived together, she'd make them for him every morning.

He couldn't believe that he had forgotten.

Rachel dumped the eggs onto a plate that already had toast sitting on it. She added pepper to the eggs—just the way he liked it—grabbed a fork, then handed him the plate over the bar.

"Uh thank you," Finn said, still mildly stunned. "But what exactly is this for? More money in alimony?" He regretted the words as soon as he said them. He closed his eyes in remorse, waiting for the tirade to come.

"No. It's more like a peace offering," Rachel said in an apologetic tone, stunning Finn for a second time. Rachel looked down at her coffee cup and spoke again. "I'm sorry about my temper. I didn't come here for a fight."

Finn wholeheartedly appreciated her gesture. Sitting down at the table and taking a bite of his breakfast, he nodded.

"I'm sorry, too," he said, swallowing his food. Finn's forehead creased when he realized that it was the first time either of them had said they were sorry since the whole mess of the last year started. Realizing how screwed up that was, he opened his mouth with the intentions of continuing their conversation. He momentarily thought about apologizing for everything—for the way they treated each other, for not trying to be more understanding of her feelings when they were still together, for the way he shut her out after she left…And mainly, for not fighting for her through it all.

The urge to regurgitate all of this emotion to her quickly evaporated when Rachel continued their conversation in a more disconnected manner.

"I just want the divorce to be as civil as possible," she said. "As painless as possible. Then we can just continue on with our lives…without all the bitterness."

He nodded his head, unsure of what to say. Everything that was going to spill out of his mouth a moment before retreated back into its oblivion, and Finn decided that his previous thoughts were misguided.

"Uh, yeah. I totally agree," he said.

Finn was convinced that the conviction of Rachel's words stood absolute. She solidified her stance and he knew that reconciling—to get back to the way they were—was just a fairytale. And why shouldn't it be? After all, he was the one that wanted this in the first place…

Right?

. . .

Rachel watched Finn as he ate his breakfast she made him. It was the first time in a while that she had cooked breakfast, but after her breakdown the previous night, she felt as though she needed to mend her conscience. Rachel resolved that the first step in this process was to make peace with Finn. She figured it would be a lot easier said than done; However, Finn seemed to accept her offering with ease. Rachel then realized that it would be a lot easier said than done for her.

"Hello?"

Rachel snapped up from her thoughts.

"Sorry, what did you say?"

"I asked what you were planning on doing today," Finn said. "I mean, I'll be at the dealership…"

Rachel resisted the urge to snort in sarcasm. Like he'd spend the day with her anyways.

Negating her thoughts on the matter, telling herself that she was supposed to be trying to be civil, Rachel chewed on her bottom lip as she mulled over her plans. She knew that there was one thing she wanted to do while she was in town.

"I thought I'd go in and see Mr. Schuester, to be honest," Rachel said.

Finn nodded his head in approval.

"That sounds like a good idea."

Rachel stayed silent and sipped on her coffee some more, feeling awkward sitting at the table while Finn finished his breakfast. She didn't really know how to act around him anymore.

Now, sitting in their new semi-civility, Rachel still felt as though they were partitioned. Part of her desperately wanted to work to knock down the dividers between them, but all the fights and hateful words they shared within the past year stopped her.

Rachel looked up at Finn as he finished off the last of his coffee.

"Well," he said standing and putting his dishes in the sink. "I should get ready for the day."

"Yeah," Rachel said. "Me too."

"Thanks for breakfast, Rach," he said. Her head snapped up at the sound of her nickname, and for a moment she was that girl moving into their new house again—oblivious to life and insanely in love. Then, the feeling shot away as quickly as it came.

"No problem," she said awkwardly. "Have a good day at work."

. . .

As Rachel quietly entered the empty choir room, she surrendered slightly to the feeling of nostalgia that washed over her like a tidal wave.

It was set up the way it always had been: the risers of chairs, the piano front and center, and a medium-sized whiteboard in the background. Rachel recalled the number of different one-worded phrases Mr. Schu had often wrote on that board during glee club rehearsal. She noticed the one currently up there said "Discovery".

Even years later, Mr. Schu's glee club themes still seemed to fit exactly to what was occurring in her life.

Rachel tentatively walked around the room, absorbing the place that epitomized her high school experience. She began to get lost in a trance of memories: her and Finn practicing for her façade of a part in Cabaret, Finn beating the heck out of Puck after finding out about the baby, a terribly cheesy music video of an awful 70's song, Finn acknowledging that she was his girlfriend in front of everyone by holding her hand and letting her rest her head on his broad shoulder…

"Taking a little trip down memory lane?"

Rachel broke from her thoughts at the sound of the familiar voice behind her.

"Mr. Schuester!" Rachel exclaimed with a smile, walking over to hug him. "How are you?"

"I'm fantastic Rachel," he replied. "How are you? It's been a long time."

Rachel smiled apologetically.

"I know, I know," she said. "I've been largely preoccupied. I feel terrible for not visiting you sooner."

Mr. Schu smiled and waved his hand in the air.

"Ah don't be," he said. "Come, sit down."

Rachel followed him to the chairs on the risers and sat down next to him. He was still the same as ever, and looked as though he didn't age a year. He wore a crisp, white shirt tucked into a pair of jeans, the sleeves rolled up. His body relaxed as he sat down and began to talk with Rachel.

After a half an hour of catching up and reminiscing about old times, Mr. Schu leaned back in his chair.

"Well," he said. "It sounds like you're doing pretty well for yourself out in New York. I always knew you'd end up out there Rachel. You were always determined in high school. It was the one thing you wanted most in life."

Rachel smiled before her expression turned into something thoughtful.

"Mr. Schu?" She asked after a moment of silence.

Her voice was vulnerable, and as he looked at her, Rachel seemed to take the form of the insecure girl she felt she once was back in high school.

"Do you believe in destiny?"

Mr. Schuester looked somewhat taken aback at her question.

"I don't really know, Rachel," he responded truthfully. "Why do you ask?"

Rachel was quiet for a moment before she spoke. She looked at her hands.

"I think of how I was back in high school…headstrong, passionate. I only wanted one thing. I wanted to become a star." Rachel paused, sighing to herself. "But then all of that sort of changed as time went on. I changed. I was still passionate, but I became more passionate about people than fame, and I feel like I've sort of lost all that in the last year or so. Now I don't know if I feel that way about anything anymore."

"It doesn't seem that way to me, Rachel," Mr. Schuester said. "I think you're doing great things. You've always been hard on yourself, and I think you're doing that now."

Rachel nodded.

"Maybe so," she said.

Rachel got up from her chair and walked over to the trophy case on the side of the room. She scanned the various awards in there, and stopped and let her eyes linger on the biggest one in the middle reading: McKinley High School's New Directions: 2011 National Champions.

"What does that have to do with believing in destiny, though?" Mr. Schuester asked after watching Rachel for a moment. She stared at the trophy for a second longer before turning around, answering his question with another.

"Do you believe there's truly only one right person for everyone?"

Mr. Schuester stared sympathetically at the young girl for a moment, his eyes softening.

"How is Finn?" He asked.

Rachel twirled the band on her left ring finger. She was surprised at herself, but she still hadn't taken it off.

"I don't really know anymore," she said quietly. "He doesn't really show his emotions around me much. Although I suppose I shut him out a long time ago, so I sort of deserve it."

Rachel responded more to herself than Mr. Schuester. After he didn't respond for a moment, Rachel looked up.

"We're um, we're getting a divorce," Rachel said. "I lied to you earlier when I said we commuted back and forth to New York. I live there and he lives here."

Mr. Schuester nodded.

"I know," he said. "I've seen Finn a few times recently."

"And he told you?"

"No," Mr. Schuester said. "But I could tell. I went through it, Rachel. I know what divorce feels like and how it looks to the outside world. It isn't pretty, it's sad."

"But it was his idea," Rachel said.

"It was mine too, when I divorced my first wife."

Rachel looked up, curious at his words. She immediately looked at his left finger, and sure enough a small silver band engrossed it.

"Did you and Ms. Pillsburry…?"

He broke into a small smile.

"Yes," he said. "We got married about four months ago."

"Oh, wow!" Rachel breathed. "Congratulations. Oh, I'm sorry I wasn't here for the wedding. Had I known…"

Mr. Schuester batted his hands. "It's okay," he said. "Only Tina, Artie, and Quinn could make it."

Rachel's eyebrows twisted in wonder. Why hadn't Finn gone? Mr. Schu had always been one of the biggest influences in his life. It appalled her that he didn't show up.

"Well, I'm so happy for you," she said.

"Thank you," he responded. "We're very happy too."

Rachel smiled and shook her head. She walked back towards the chairs and gathered her things.

"I should get going," Rachel said. "I don't want to hold you up any longer."

"It was nice to see you, Rachel."

"You too, Mr. Schu," she said, hugging him goodbye. "Take care."

Rachel made her way towards the door. She let her fingers lightly graze the smooth surface of the black piano as she walked by, sighing mentally with each step. When she got to the doorway, she heard Mr. Schuester call to her.

"Hey, Rachel," he said. She stopped and turned around.

"To answer your question, I do believe there's one right person for everyone. I found mine. And I really believe that Finn is yours."

Rachel stared at him for a moment before nodding her head. She gave him a half smile, then turned around and exited the choir room.

* * *

_Awww. Mr. Schu always knows what to say! __And I'm a Wemma fan too, so I'm glad they got their happiness. ;)_

_Well folks, we're starting to get into the heat of things pretty soon. Enjoy the ride! And thanks again for reading!_

_xoxo_


	6. The sweetest taste

**Ahhh!**

_Sorry about holding out on you guys, again! I've been out of town so it's been kind of hard to write. Then I had writers block. But I finally demolished it and we're rolling with the story. Get ready for some juice!_

_DISCLAIMER: I don't own Glee or the characters. If I did, there would be an entire episode dedicated to selections from Wicked and Idina and Cheno would come back and sing "What is this Feeling" :D._

_

* * *

_**CHAPTER 6: The sweetest taste**

The aroma of something that closely resembled heaven hit Rachel as she walked into the house after returning from her errands.

Well, she wouldn't have exactly called them errands. After visiting Mr. Schuester, Rachel found herself wandering Lima without a particular purpose. She just didn't want to return to the house.

Setting down her purse and keys and avoiding looking at the picture on the end table, she walked tentatively into the kitchen.

"Finn?" She asked.

"Hey," he said to her as she peered in through the bar. "I'm making vegetable lasagna for dinner. I hope that's okay."

"Oh," Rachel said, surprised. "Yeah, that's great. I'm starving."

As if on cue, the oven beeped. Finn lifted it out and carried the dish to the table, where plates and drinks were already set up. He had poured a glass of red wine for her, and it was sitting at the place she usually sat. Rachel was almost touched, and she fought hard to succumb to the feelings that started to bubble in her stomach.

They both sat down and began to dive into their meal in silence. Rachel felt faintly uncomfortable, and she wondered if it was normal to sit down and have a nice meal with your soon-to-be-ex-husband two nights before the first divorce hearing.

Her guess was probably no.

As she chewed thoughtfully, Finn decided to break the silence, saying what exactly was on her mind—a trait he always possessed when they were together.

"This is is a little weird, isn't it?"

Rachel let out a small, somewhat humorless laugh.

"Yeah," she said, giving him a small smile. "A little bit."

Finn didn't linger on the subject any longer, but instead took a generous sip of his beer.

Looming overhead was a topic that Rachel did not want to delve into, and she silently prayed that Finn was oblivious to what exactly she had been remembering. When she heard the date on the radio on the way home, the feeling had hit her like a ton of bricks. The feeling attempted to return when she got home and set down her keys.

"How was your day?" Rachel asked, changing the subject and dismissing the thoughts in her head. She couldn't think of anything else to really say.

"Good," Finn said, swallowing a bite of his food. "I sold four cars today, which is miraculous in this economy."

Rachel nodded. "Yeah, I'm surprised people are buying. But good, good job Finn."

"Thanks," he said, shoveling in another bite of lasagna.

After a few more minutes of small talk, they became silent once again. Rachel moved around some of her lasagna on her plate, no longer taking small bites of it. Something else had also been nagging the back of her brain the entire meal, and she wasn't entirely sure if she wanted to bring it up.

"Is something wrong with the food?" Finn asked. Normally Rachel would have seen this as an attack, but looking up into his eyes, something was slightly different—almost eager. Like a kid who desperately wanted to be well-liked.

"Oh," Rachel said looking back down at her plate. "No, the food is great."

"What's wrong, then?"

Rachel was quiet for a moment.

"How come you didn't go to Mr. Schuester and Ms. Pillsbury's wedding?"

Rachel looked up at him. She stared directly into his eyes, which turned into liquid amber at her question. Looking away from her and back down at his dinner, Finn took a moment before answering.

"I just…really didn't have time."

"You didn't have time to go see the one person who was like a father to you on one of the most special days of his life?"

"Burt was my father figure."

Rachel polished off her glass of wine.

"Yes," she said thoughtfully. "But Mr. Schue is, too, Finn. He's special to both of us."

"Yeah, well, I didn't see you there either."

"You wouldn't have, because you didn't go," Rachel said. Finn snorted, still not looking at her. She always had a way with quick quips.

"But you're right," Rachel continued softly. "I should have been there."

Finn was quiet for a moment before saying "yeah, me too."

Rachel wanted to implore the topic further as to why Finn didn't show, but in the spirit of keeping things civil, she controlled herself and said nothing else. They became quiet again. There was something going unsaid between the two of them. However, instead of talking about it, she reached for the bottle of wine and poured herself another glass. Finn eyed her questioningly.

"You never have more than one glass of wine," he remarked. "Or is that a New York thing, now?"

"Nope," Rachel said sipping on her glass. "Just felt like having another one."

Finn nodded and finished off his beer. They sat there for a little more before Rachel couldn't take it any further and got up to clear the table. She had to busy herself otherwise she'd begin to think too much.

"Thanks for making dinner," she said as she deposited her dishes in the sink.

Finn followed her with his own and reached from behind her to put them in the sink as well. Rachel turned around, apprehending the close proximity they suddenly shared. Her throat became thick and she realized that it was the closest they had physically been to each other since she had arrived. She suddenly felt small and frail again as she looked up at him, meeting his eyes.

"You remember what today is, don't you?" He asked seriously. Rachel's heart stopped.

She was quiet for a second before looking at the floor and answering, "yes, I remember."

"Were you not going to say anything?"

Rachel looked up at him suddenly.

"Like what? And when? During dinner? 'Oh hey Finn, thanks for the vegetable lasagna. By the way, I remember that today is the day that you told me you loved me for the first time eight years ago.'," Rachel scoffed. "It didn't really seem appropriate."

Finn sighed as he absently scooted an inch forward towards her. Rachel could smell his cologne, and she felt completely surrounded by him and his presence. His warmth radiated off his body and seemed to show up in the blush of her cheeks. She felt like she could faint at any moment.

"I know that today is technically our anniversary," she said. "Well the anniversary of us coming together, at least."

"And that means nothing for you to acknowledge?"

"Of course it means something," she said. "It means more than something. But I just…I just didn't see a reason for bringing it up. I didn't think you would even remember."

"Of course I remember, Rachel," Finn said, sounding hurt. "I remember more than you seem to like to give me credit for. It's like you think that I don't value you or your feelings or what we meant to each other."

Rachel was silent, still stunned by how close he was. She soaked up his words like a sponge as he continued on.

"I remember Regionals and the moment I told you how I felt about you," he said. "I remember the day we moved into this house, I remember every moment of our wedding and the night that followed it. I remember the day you told me you were pregnant—"

"Finn, stop it, I can't do this…" Rachel started to move away. He blocked her.

"And I remember the day we lost the baby. I remember it all. I also remember every second that you shut me out after that particular day."

Rachel began to feel tears sting the back of her eyes and spill onto her cheeks.

"Finn, I don't want to talk about this."

"You never want to talk about this," he said forcefully. She looked up into eyes expecting malice, but was met with gentleness instead. She stopped.

"Rachel, I tried to be there for you. For us. I was grieving too, but I wanted to help you come out of this hole that you were in."

"See, that's exactly it," Rachel said, her voice quivering. "You say you were grieving, but she wasn't inside you, Finn! You hadn't been carrying her around for three months, don't you get it? You have NO idea what I went through, what I'm still going through."

"So help me understand," he said, grabbing her hands. "I want to understand. Because I feel sad as hell every day. Every damn day, Rachel. Don't you think that I wanted to hold my daughter in my arms? Don't you think it KILLED me every day to see how torn apart you were? You lost a daughter that day, but I lost a daughter AND a wife."

Rachel wiped her eyes and looked up at him again. How did they get to this conversation? She had avoided it for so long, and now it was finally catching up to her.

Before she could allow herself to feel anymore, Rachel pushed past Finn and began to walk away. She couldn't take it. She had to get out of the inferno of emotion that was building around her.

Just as Rachel was about to pass, she felt him grab her wrist.

. . .

Finn didn't know what made him do it.

Whether it was the fact that they had finally touched the surface of the subject they had been avoiding for so long, or that it was the anniversary of the day he finally admitted to his feelings, he just couldn't let it slip by.

He couldn't avoid the feelings he had been suppressing any longer.

It seemed to happen all in an instant, and he guessed it kind of did. One second he was grabbing her wrist, and the next his lips were crashing onto hers, pushing with unlimited force.

His heart barely had time to react, and he couldn't recall how long he had waited for this moment. Finn wanted to say that her lips tasted as sweet as he remembered them, but his memory definitely did not do them justice.

It tasted much better. It tasted like passionate victory.

At first he felt her kiss back. Her hand instinctively moved to his hair and she ran her fingers through it. He stomach leaped into his throat at the feeling of her reciprocation, and his mind became dizzy with desire.

And then, the moment disappeared. It had stopped as soon as it had started.

Rachel pushed him off, breathless from the interaction.

"What…what are you doing?"

He saw the tears brim her eyes again, which was the absolute the last thing he wanted.

"I still love you, Rachel," he said honestly.

Her pink lips, the ones that had sent lightning down his spine only a second before, gaped open in total surprise.

* * *

_Cliffhanger! Baaaah. Don't kill me._

_Hopefully the next update won't be so far apart from this one since I'm halfway through writing it. I'm ahead of myself this time!_

_Keep up the reviews! I'm so touched and honored. Thank you, all. Really. :)_

_xoxo_


	7. Untouched photographs

**What…another update?**

_Yes!_

_**You all don't have to read this part if you don't want to…I just wanted to address a review someone gave me on the last chapter. I thank you for bringing your observation to my attention. Ironically, I did do my research, but that didn't show in my last chapter because I got lazy on the editing process (I finished this chapter at like 2 am). I'm really sorry for that. Originally, I had planned the still-birth, but I decided against it and switched it to a miscarriage. However, the original idea still reflected in my story and I didn't catch it and fix it before I updated. So that was my fault. I am definitely not misinformed (I actually know a little bit from experience as my aunt went through a still-birth and it was a really sad time for our family) and it isn't my intention to make light of a situation like that. I take credibility very seriously, so I really thank you for bringing my editing error to attention and I hope you continue to read my story! I went back and fixed it and everything should match up now.**_

_Okay, on with the story! Hope you guys enjoy being spoiled with all these updates. Sorry this one is a little shorter than the others._

_DISCLAIMER: I don't own Glee or the characters, etc etc. If I did, I'd have Sue wear pearls with her tracksuits more often._

_

* * *

_**CHAPTER 7: Untouched photographs**

He felt the same confidence he felt on this day eight years ago. However this time, the words were not as well-received.

"What? Are you delusional?" She seemed angry.

"I know you still love me too," Finn said with conviction. He tried to ignore the fact that he almost was trying to convince her of this fact.

"Finn," Rachel said, backing away slowly. "You…" Rachel trailed off, and with each passing second, he saw her slipping away.

"Rachel," he breathed, his voice pleading. He didn't know what changed inside him to make him feel so desperate. Until now, Finn had pushed aside every feeling he had. He had remained as level-headed as he possibly could. But now, everything was surfacing. And like a volcano that erupts, once it starts, there's no staunching it.

"You were the one who filed for the divorce, Finn."

Finn's eyebrows creased in worry.

"I know that," Finn said, trying to continue. Rachel stopped him.

"So you made this decision, not me."

"Rachel…I made it because I had to. I couldn't live without—"

Rachel interrupted him again.

"Don't," Rachel said, discouraging him from continuing. Finn became more heated.

"No, let me finish, dammit! I couldn't live without you any longer. You had checked out of this relationship weeks before you left for New York. Then, when you actually were gone, I missed every single day. Every damn day, Rachel. So much that I wished even that fragment of you was back—as long as I had some form of you in my life. Then I realized that I couldn't live like that any longer. You clearly were moving on, so I had to…but you have to understand…"

"Why are you telling me this?" Rachel stopped him. "Why are you saying this to me NOW when this mediation is two days away?"

"Because maybe I want to stop it!" Finn shouted. He hadn't planned on admitting this to her, but he damn well didn't see any other way. She was so stubborn.

Rachel's chocolate eyes, wide as saucers, stared up at him. He saw the tears swimming in them and cursed himself for bringing it up at all. This is not exactly how he planned this conversation.

"Finn, I…" Rachel twisted her lips in confliction, trying to find the right words to say. He waited anxiously for her to continue. "I will always love you. That will never change. But, it isn't the same anymore, and I think we're both adult enough to know that. And if we're sensible, we'll stop what's going on here and continue to remain as civil as possible throughout the rest of this process."

Finn felt as though all the wind got knocked out of his stomach. He said nothing as Rachel turned around, her hair flipping dramatically behind her.

. . .

Despite everything they had been through, Finn had learned over the past few years how much he really appreciated having Puck still around in Lima.

After Rachel left the kitchen, Finn didn't hesitate in grabbing his keys and leaving the house. He couldn't stay there right now. Not when he felt like he was shattered into a million pieces. He got in the car a drove straight for this dive of a bar he often frequented, dialing Puck's number on the way.

Puck agreed to come out, noting the sadness and urgency in his friend's voice. As they found themselves sitting at the barstools, Finn explained every detail of the last two days. After he had finished, Puck and Finn both took simultaneous swigs of their beers.

"I wish I never filed the papers," Finn admitted. "It was a hot-headed mistake."

"I don't know dude," Puck said. "It sounds like you're really screwed. Maybe it's actually over."

Finn looked down at his drink and shook his head.

"No. No dude. It can't be."

"Rachel is pretty stubborn," Puck said. "You know she always gets what she wants. That's how she got you, isn't it? If this is what she wants, I don't know…"

"But it isn't what she wants," Finn said with conviction. "I'm convinced it's just an act. She's good at that."

Puck didn't debate it anymore. Instead, he took another sip of his drink and shrugged.

"Okay then, man. What's the game plan?"

Finn looked up at his friend.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, what's the plan? How are you going to stop this divorce thing from going down?"

Finn creased his eyebrows. He didn't really have a plan. But as soon as Puck said it he realized that if he really did want to stop it, he needed one.

. . .

Rachel hadn't stopped crying since the moment he left the house.

She always had a flair for dramatics. Usually whenever she cried, she was doing it as practice for future acting jobs. Many people saw her as a drama queen for it, but Rachel always told herself that they'd eat their words the second she accepted her first Tony award.

However, ever since she had returned to Lima, each tear that had fallen onto her face wasn't an act. It was real—and the emotion that accompanied it swallowed Rachel up whole.

She figured Finn wouldn't be back for awhile. In the weeks before she had left for New York, every night was an epic battle, and it usually resulted in him leaving for hours at a time. Rachel assumed that this time was nothing different, and she willingly took advantage of her alone time.

Sniffling audibly, she changed into her nightgown and washed her face. After going through the mundane routine of readying herself for bed, she walked slowly out to the kitchen. All that was left in the aftermath of their evening was the dishes in the sink. With only the sound of the humming refrigerator to keep her company, Rachel washed the dishes mechanically before putting them away. Once she was done cleaning up, she stared around the room for a moment, letting her mind soak up the events that had occurred earlier.

Was it really possible that Finn wanted her back?

Rachel realized she had been a terror to be with before she left for New York—and they never really talked about it. They just argued about everything else instead. But the baby hadn't been a subject she ever wanted to broach. It hurt too much. So instead of pushing through the pain, she distracted herself with other nuisances instead…and as a result, it ruined her marriage.

Finally letting up on her crying, Rachel walked into the living room. Looking around, she noticed for the first time that nothing had changed from the day that she left. The furniture was arranged exactly the same, even though Finn wasn't overly happy with it when she first organized it that way. The dvd's were in the same place and in the same order on the entertainment shelf.

And the pictures. Every single photo-frame had been left the way it was.

Rachel walked along the wall and looked at the ones they had mounted. There were the photographs from their wedding, which had been arranged in an aesthetically-pleasing montage on shelves above the couch. They had remained in the frames that Rachel had picked out—each one saying either "love" or "family" on top of them. She ran her fingers lightly over each photo, remembering every second of that day. Her form fitting taffeta dress that had flared out slightly at the bottom, his tailored suit, the guests, the blush of their cheeks on their wedding night…

Rachel removed herself from her reverie, exited the living room and daringly ventured towards what used to be their bedroom.

Bracing herself, Rachel peered through the door and looked around—as if he might been in there and catch her. Entering the room, she noticed that some of her things had been replaced by Finn's things on top of the dresser. However, like the living room, everything else had mostly remained the same. Right down to the photographs.

Feeling a fresh set of tears coming on, Rachel unthinkingly crawled into the bed. Burrowing down into the soft sheets, the familiar smell of Finn burned her nose. She breathed in, smelling his skin and his cologne that lingered on the fabric, and it once again reminded her of the hours before.

Rachel let herself cry. At first she was going to fight it off, but the emotion was too overpowering. She succumbed to the sobs that escaped her lips, and buried her head into the pillow. As she cried, she felt her fingers brush against another fabric at the edge of the bed. Lifting her head up for a moment, she noticed it was one of Finn's grey t-shirts. Not caring how crazy she was being, she slipped the shirt over her head and put it on over her nightgown. If she was going to be this masochistic, Rachel figured she might as well go all-out.

She didn't know how long she had been lying there, but she guessed it had been for a while. Not caring about keeping track of time, she remained in her position with her head buried. Her sobs had eventually tapered off and returned to audible sniffs.

Some moments later, she drifted off into a heavy slumber.

Rachel didn't hear the click of the front door lock, or the sound of his heavy footsteps on the carpet when he came in. She didn't hear him as he changed his clothes and brushed his teeth.

It was only when she felt the bed sink at the presence of another weight that she woke up, alerted of Finn's arrival back home. Before she had time to react and quickly leave the bedroom, she felt his big arms wrap around her small waist as he lay down next to her.

Rachel turned at lightning speed to look at him, embarrassed that she had been caught in the bed, wearing his shirt no less.

"Sorry, I…" she began, but Finn shushed her.

"It's okay," he said, still not letting go of her. His words stumbled from the beer that was no doubt still in his system.

"Go back to sleep," he cooed.

She guessed that she should have fought him off, but her lack of energy made it impossible. She was unceasingly drained from the emotion of the last few hours.

Rachel made no move to release from his embrace as she turned back around, falling asleep in his arms.

* * *

_We're getting somewhere! Obviously there's still a lot to figure out. And the mediation meeting is still two days away..._

_Hmmm..._

_Thanks again for all of your reviews! I appreciate them so much!_

_xoxo_


	8. Also, angels

**I'm so touched!**

_Thank you everyone for your amazing reviews. _

_We're starting to really get into the thick of the story (I know I kind of keep saying that, haha but this time it's true). I mapped out the rest of the story last night. I'm not sure exactly how many chapters there will be total, but we still have a lot coming. Hopefully that now I know exactly where everything is heading, it'll be a lot easier and better written. Thank you so much again for your reviews! They seriously make me smile :')._

_DISCLAIMER: I don't own Glee or the characters, etc. If I did, I would already have every episode ever aired in my hands already to watch at my disposal._

_ps: The name of this chapter is funnier just because I couldn't NOT do it. I love my Rachel! haha. Ok, tallyho!_

_

* * *

_**CHAPTER 8: Also, angels.**

As the morning sunlight poured into the bedroom, Finn awoke slowly and groggily, much to his dismay. He tried to urge himself back into sleep; he had been having the most wonderful dream about an angel. When what seemed like hours went by with no avail, Finn forfeited his attempt and opened his eyes, his retinas adjusting to the brightness.

It was then that Finn realized that he hadn't been dreaming. There, lying in his arms, her head resting on his bare chest, was the angel.

As he stared down at Rachel's sleeping form, his heart began to swell. After she left, Finn never imagined that he would get the chance to hold her again—and now he was. He felt as though he was starting to become whole again, and not just the shell of what he was before.

As dust particles danced in the stream of sunlight, Finn soaked up her image. It was as though the sun was casting a spotlight on her. Rachel's dainty, small hand lay positioned directly on his upper chest, his skin feeling like it was on fire from the direct contact. Her breaths were steady, and as her chest rose and fell he could feel her push against his left ribcage. Her dark hair was cascading down her back and in the portion that was illuminated by the light, Finn noticed that there was a subtle red highlight to it. His eyes wandered the length of her hair, marveling at his newest discovery. It was only then that he realized that she was wearing one of his shirts over her nightgown. He smiled to himself, his heart engorging a little more.

For the first time in months, Finn was at peace.

After moments of observing her, he felt her begin to stir. Absently, she nestled her head more into his chest, and Finn felt his stomach leap alive with butterflies. A minute later, she sleepily opened her eyes.

The realization of Rachel's position made her sit up immediately. Looking around, disoriented, she stared up at him inquisitively. Finn didn't speak (partly because he wasn't really sure what he wanted to say), but instead he shifted his body into a full-sitting position, leaning his back against the headboard. Rachel rubbed her eyes.

"Sorry," she said.

Finn shook his head, dismissing her apology.

"What time is it?" she asked.

Finn's expression twisted in confusion. The thought of something important being outside this room seemed laughable to him, but he checked his watch on the nightstand beside him.

"It's ten-thirty," he said. He paused, a much different feeling suddenly washing over him.

"Oh my god," he said. "Shit. It's ten-thirty!"

Finn rocketed out of bed and ran towards the bathroom. He was over two hours late for work.

Finn heard Rachel get out of the bed and exit the room as he threw on his work clothes and fumbled around in his drawers for a tie. Finding one and haphazardly throwing it on, he rushed to the counter and speedily brushed his teeth. He quickly rushed through the rest of his morning routine, thinking with each passing second how much trouble he was going to be in. Thrusting his feet into his shoes and grabbing his briefcase, he dashed out of the room en-route for his keys and the door. He stopped when he heard Rachel call his name.

"Here," she said walking over to him and handing him a thermos. It was warm to the touch. She then handed him a paper bag. "Coffee and an apple," she said.

"Thank you," he said thankfully, taking the food from her. He had completely forgotten about breakfast. It bothered him that he had completely lost track of reality since about 7 pm the previous night. It was because of that he forgot to set his alarm for this morning. He wanted nothing more to lay in bed all day with Rachel and to talk about what was going on, but he knew that if he didn't show up to work today, he'd be jeopardizing his chances for the promotion he'd been waiting years for. Finn practically ran to the end table to grab his keys.

A second later, he was yelling "see you tonight!" to Rachel as he rushed out the door.

. . .

Rachel felt the sun warm her skin and she began to stir at the pleasant disturbance.

As she remained in a state of half-sleep, she continued to take steady breaths. Each time she breathed in, the smell of his skin permeated her nostrils. It made her brain hazy, and she kept her eyes closed because she never wanted to wake from this dream. It felt so real.

When she couldn't avoid it any longer, she let her eyes flutter open. She met Finn's gaze, and realized the moment she had been dreaming of was acutely real. She shot up in bed, surprised.

She asked him what time it was only for lack of anything better to say. She wondered how late she had slept, and then she wondered why Finn wasn't at work. Did he have the day off?

Realizing the very same thing, he launched himself out of bed.

Rachel made her way to the kitchen and prepared him something for the road. She saw the gratefulness in his eyes when she handed it to him as he dashed out the door. When he told her he'd see her tonight with the door closing behind him, Rachel couldn't help but feeling like she had been launched back to the normalcy of a year ago. Back when they were happily married. Back when they were a family.

But as the door closed shut and Rachel stood in the empty house again, she felt the feeling start to fade away. She wondered if it'd ever return, and if she was lucky enough for it to, she wondered if it would remain.

. . .

Finn felt as though the work day would never end.

His boss wasn't too thrilled with him as he sprinted into work that morning, and he said nothing to Finn as he ran to his office. Finn figured he'd deal with him later in the afternoon when there was some down time. He had to close deals on two cars today—luckily his lateness didn't cause him to miss either of the appointments.

After getting the majority of his work completed, Finn checked the clock for what seemed like the one hundredth time that hour. How had it been only 3 o'clock? Even in missing two hours of work, he still felt as if it was the longest day ever.

Sighing he flipped through some of the paperwork he needed to finalize on his desk. He filled out a couple of lines before stopping once again and checking the time. He let out a loaded sigh and spun around in a circle in his chair, tapping his fingers on the arm rest. After doing that for a consecutive four minutes, Finn stood up and paced the linoleum floors of his office. He couldn't sit still.

Every nerve in Finn's body felt as though it was mildly vibrating. He was on teetering on the edge, the blissful moment of waking up with her in his arms replaying in his mind. After a few moments of pacing, he finally made himself sit back down and do some work.

It was four-fifteen by the time Finn couldn't take it anymore. He had to get out of here. He wasn't being productive anyways, and he only hoped his boss would understand when he asked to leave after already coming in late.

"Finn, come in," his boss told him when he knocked softly on the door. "I've been wanting to talk to you all day about your lateness this morning…"

"I know, Jackson, I'm sorry," Finn apologized, walking into the office. "And I know it's probably too much to ask, but I was hoping that I could take off a little early today…"

Jackson looked up at Finn incredulously. He clicked his pen closed and set it down on some papers he had been working on.

"It is definitely a large request," he told Finn. "What's wrong, son?"

"I just…" Finn didn't really know what to say. How do you tell your surly 50-year-old boss, who is somehow happily married, that you needed to go leave because you wanted to see what could be your soon-to-be-ex-wife.

"I have the first divorce hearing tomorrow," Finn said finally. "I need to get things…together." It wasn't exactly a lie.

His boss eyed him curiously before nodding.

"Okay, son," he said, remembering when the young kid told him about needed the day off for the hearing a few weeks ago. "Have a good weekend."

Finn nodded and turned to walk out the door. Before he left, his boss called to him one last time.

"Hudson?" Finn turned around. "Good luck."

Finn thanked him and briskly walked out the door. He knew that Jackson was probably well-wishing him that the beginnings of the divorce would go smoothly tomorrow; however, Finn fed it a different way to his mantra he'd been repeating to himself all day. If everything went according to his plan, he hoped that there would be no beginnings to a divorce.

Finn made his way to the car. As he ignited the ignition and drove out of the parking lot, a familiar tune quietly wafted out of his speakers. He turned the volume up on the radio, and as the song filtered to his ear drums, his body began to pump with adrenalin.

_"Don't stop believing, hold on to that feeling…"_

He smiled to himself at the lyrics. Taking it as an obvious sign, Finn drove home to Rachel.

* * *

_Oooh it's gettin' good. Sorry it's kind of short; I didn't want it to take away from the next chapter... :D_

_Keep reviewing! I read and love each and every one of them and they seriously make me smile. Thank you times ten. And just wanted to give a quick shoutout to all my circles reading this too!_

_xoxo_


	9. The red room

**Sorry it's been a few days!**

_I've had this chapter all set up in my head and it's turning out a LOT longer than I expected. So instead of cutting it down, I'm breaking it up into multiple chapters :). I'm also, for a few breaks, not really switching back and forth between perspectives. Hopefully it doesn't mess up the flow of the story!_

_Thank you all again for your wonderful reviews! I really, really appreciate them! We're really getting going here. But instead of saying any more, I'll just let you all read. Enjoy!_

_DISCLAIMER: I don't own Glee or the characters, etc. If I did, there would be at least one F/R steamy duet (like BL/OYH) in every episode._

_

* * *

_**CHAPTER 9: The red room**

Rachel hadn't heard the door open while she was tidying up the living room.

She had decided to vacuum the carpet (heaven only knows how long that had been left undone), and she was now working on dusting the furniture. As she worked, Rachel sang to herself. At first, it was "For Good" from Wicked. but once she finished, she decided she'd prefer to sing along with music; she hoped the beat would make her complete her cleaning faster. She flipped on the stereo and began to listen to the first CD that was in rotation.

As Rachel lifted photo-frames off of the end tables and cleaned them with her feather duster, she absently hummed along to the familiar tune. Around the time of dusting the TV, Rachel found herself singing along with the words, her volume increasing as the song went on. It was only when she was windex-ing the glass doors that she realized what song was playing.

"_Some will win, some will lose, some were born to sing the blues, oh the movie never ends, it goes on and on and on and on…"_

She expected to feel the slap of nostalgia and the sting of bitterness at her realization…but the feelings never came. Instead, she felt…light. Becoming slightly more invigorated, Rachel let herself get lost in the song as she wiped away streaks on the glass.

"_Don't stop believing, hold on to that feeling, street lights, people…"_

Rachel did a slight twirl along with the music as she moved to the next glass door.

. . .

Finn could hear the music from outside the front door.

As he walked inside and crossed the foyer, he felt his heart begin to flutter. Was she really listening to this song?

Finn set his keys down and walked curiously through the rest of the house. Deciding that the source of music was coming from the living room, Finn walked over quietly. His heart turned to butter as he watched the scene in front of him: Rachel was twirling around the room—in a skirt, of course—cleaning the doors. And she was singing their song.

Finn wasn't sure what came over him—but at the next opportunity, he jumped in to sing along with her.

"_Don't stop believing, hold on to that feeling…"_

Rachel jumped in surprise at the sound of his voice. But instead of stopping, she harmonized with him until the song was over. When they were finished, both of them were grinning.

"You're home early!" Rachel commented, catching her breath. Did she sound embarrassed?

He nodded.

"Sorry…" she trailed. "I just thought the place could use a bit of cleaning. When was the last time you dusted, Finn? Honestly, it's a wonder you're not sick all the time with all those germs and dirt floating around everywhere. And don't even get me started on the state of these floors…"

"Let's go out tonight," Finn said, cutting her off.

"What?" Rachel asked, her eyebrows rising. "Why?"

Finn laughed.

"Does there have to be a reason?"

Rachel eyed him curiously.

"I don't know, Finn," Rachel said as she put her cleaning supplies away. Finn followed her. "With the hearing and everything tomorrow I'm not so sure it's a smart idea…"

"Rachel," Finn said, taking her hand. "When you were singing a minute ago, it was the happiest I've seen you in a long time."

Rachel shivered as he spoke, staring down at her small hand that was placed in his.

"Just…relax," Finn cajoled. "If anything, the hearing should be the reason why you'd WANT to go."

Rachel remained silent for a moment.

"Okay," she said. "Where are we going?"

"Just go get dressed," Finn smiled. He let go of her hand and it suddenly became cold. "Don't ask questions," he teased.

Rachel gave him a small smile and nodded. Seconds later, she was disappearing into the guest room.

Finn smiled, feeling slightly victorious. Phase one: complete.

. . .

As Rachel's heels clicked on the cement, she got the feeling that there was a pair of eyes boring into the back of her. She whipped around, hair swishing behind her, to look at Finn.

"What?" She laughed, giving her best attempt to walk backwards and glare at Finn. "I can feel you staring at me."

Finn laughed in surprise.

"Nothing," he said as they approached the car. He walked around and opened the door for her. "I'm just impressed that you're wearing heels. You never wear them, except on our wedding day."

Rachel's mouth formed into a straight line and she shrugged. Saying nothing more, she climbed into the car, thanking Finn for opening the door.

"You're so chivalrous," she joked.

"That's a good thing, right?" Finn played along, shocking Rachel at his memory. Butterflies immediately appeared in her stomach, and she suppressed the urge to cry. She smiled at him instead, and he winked at her as they began to drive away.

. . .

"So are you going to tell me where we are or am I going to have to call the authorities and tell them that I have been taken to an unknown location against my will?"

They had been driving for a while, and when Rachel saw that they were entering Dayton, she spoke up. Finn laughed at her dramatics.

"Do you always dress up in sexy black dresses and heels when you're going to 'unknown locations'?" He asked. Rachel blushed and answered with a quick 'I guess not' before going silent again.

Finn smacked himself on the inside. He didn't want to embarrass her, but with the way she looked tonight, he couldn't help but say something. And, with his plan officially in action, Finn also couldn't help feeling slightly confident—which seemed to bubble over into the way he was speaking to Rachel.

"Well you're not going to be in suspense for long," Finn said, pulling into a parking lot. "We're here."

Rachel climbed out of the car and looked up curiously at the tall building in front of her. She began to walk towards the front doors, but Finn stopped her.

"Wait," he said. "This way."

Finn grabbed her hand and tried to ignore the electricity he felt at her touch. He led her around the building to a side door.

"Oh this isn't sketchy at all," Rachel commented.

"Will you just trust me?" Finn laughed. He figured she must of complied, because she followed him through the door and into a dark bar.

The sound of a piano filled the dimly lit room. Small, subdued twinkle lights were scattered about the ceiling, and glassy, black-marble tables were positioned poetically around the room. The club was busy, but it wasn't overly crowded. Finn led Rachel to a table in the corner and sat down. He handed her a menu.

Rachel took it but really paid no attention to it as she looked around. Her expression was one of curiosity and enlightenment. Finn observed her and smiled as a waitress came over to take their order.

"Welcome to The Red Room," she said in a sultry voice. "What can I get for you?"

"Rachel? Do you want a glass of wine?"

"Uh," she spoke for the first time. "Yeah, yeah. Merlot, please."

"I'll have a bottle of Blue Moon for now," Finn said. The waitress perked up at the sound of his voice and his order.

"Finn?" She asked. "We haven't seen you in here in a while!"

"Oh Merissa! I thought that was you," Finn smiled. "I know it's been a while. I just haven't had the time recently to make the drive out here with work and everything."

"Well," Merissa said. "The stage misses you. Let me know if I can get you two any appetizers or anything later."

As she walked away, Finn turned towards Rachel who had the most incredulous look on her face. Her features seemed to glow in the dim lighting.

"Okay," she started, laughing slightly. "Explain, please."

Now it was Finn's turn to blush.

"I've been coming here once a week for about a year," he said. It didn't take Rachel more than a second to figure out that math. She implored him to continue with her eyes.

"I can't even remember how I heard about it, to be honest. But I was tired of getting drunk at bars in Lima. So I came and got drunk here. Or at least that's how it started, anyways."

Merissa dropped off their drinks with a small smile.

"And now?" Rachel asked. She took a sip of her wine.

"One night," Finn began. He stopped to take a generous gulp out of his bottle. "One night I came in and I was talking to some of the other regulars and some of the employees. They had been asking about me and where I came from, and stuff. Somehow it came up that I did glee in high school."

Rachel smiled and took a larger sip of her wine. Finn's stomach squirmed in anxiety.

"So, one thing led to another, and they all practically forced me to get up there and sing. So I did. But I partially blame that on the fact that I had a substantial amount of alcohol by that point."

Rachel laughed, and then her face became much softer.

"What did you sing?" She asked.

Finn took two gulps of his beer and cleared his throat.

"Faithfully."

Rachel turned in her seat and looked forward. She took several big sips out of her glass.

"Anyways," Finn continued, trying to break the awkwardness. "Since then, I've been singing almost every week I come in. Actually, I was here the night of Mr. Schue's wedding."

Rachel looked back over at him. "You were?"

"Yeah," Finn said finishing off his bottle. He signaled to Merissa for another one. "I was on my way when I decided to stop in here first. I felt like I needed a little, er, liquid courage. I didn't want to go and see everyone, you know with the way I was feeling. So I stopped here, and one thing led to another, and I ended up having to catch a cab home if you get what I mean."

Rachel stared at him in surprise. She finished off her glass of wine.

"I couldn't do it Rachel," Finn admitted after they had been silent for a few moments. "The wounds of you leaving were still there. The last thing I wanted to do was go to a wedding and see everyone from our past. Especially without you…"

After he finished speaking, Finn felt incredibly vulnerable. Up until that point, he had been trying to break down Rachel's barriers. He never realized that he also had ones of his own that were still very much in-tact.

Realizing this as well, Rachel placed her hand over his as Merissa brought them each another round of drinks.

"Thank you for telling me," she said gently.

Finn nodded and began working on his second beer, as Rachel continued to hold his hand.

* * *

_Thanks so much for reading! The next chapter should be up fairly soon since I'm partially done writing it. I intended it for all to be as one, but it just got so incredibly long! Haha. _

_Love you all! Keep reviewing!_

_xoxo_


	10. Intoxication

**You lucky readers!**

_Two updates in one day!_

_Actually, though, I'm the lucky one. Your reviews make me so happy. Thank you, times ten!_

_Just a fair warning: This chapter is a little...citrusy? If that's the term. I've never written something like this before, so it was a challenge for me. I didn't want to lose the tone of the story, so I hope that I kept the balance just right. Eeek, I feel just as vulnerable as Finn and Rachel!_

_Anyways, I hope you like it! Thanks again for reading!_

_DISCLAIMER: I don't own Glee or the characters. If I did, there would be more sexytimes like LAV in the Madonna episode. ;)_

_

* * *

_**CHAPTER 10: Intoxication**

Rachel felt herself let out a hearty laugh at Finn as she polished off her third glass of Merlot. She knew she was a lightweight and that she probably should have stopped, but she signaled Merissa for another instead.

"No," she said putting down her glass in between laughs. "Do you remember when you bought that stupid cable package for the bedroom?"

"What!" Finn feigned offense. "It wasn't stupid."

"Oh yes it was," Rachel laughed. "There is NO need for 1,000 channels. And if I remember correctly I specifically warned you that you couldn't wire the cable back there. However, you insisted on installing it yourself and after about two days of trying to fix it up in the RAIN, I finally convinced you to call the cable guy."

Finn laughed as he polished off his fourth beer. His head began to feel a little buzzed and his body was warm. He couldn't tell if it was the alcohol or the close proximity Rachel had suddenly been in. Either way, every cell in his body was mildly buzzing in the best possible way.

Merissa brought Rachel her fourth glass of wine and Finn his fifth beer. She smiled at the couple as she walked away.

"I shouldn't be doing this," Rachel laughed, running her finger along the glass.

"Oh live a little," Finn teased. He raised his bottle. "To having fun."

Rachel clinked her drink with his. "More like 'to getting drunk'," she laughed as she took a sip.

As she was swallowing her wine, she heard a voice come over a microphone.

"Ladies and gentlemen, we have a special treat for you tonight." Rachel looked over and noticed Merissa was speaking near the piano. She looked at Finn and Rachel's table and smiled. "Two guests of The Red Room are here to perform a duet."

"Woah no, tell me this isn't what I think it is," Rachel said.

"Oh, I believe it is," Finn replied. There was a mischievous sparkle in his eye.

"You totally planned this!" Rachel shouted. Finn laughed at the volume of her voice and her choice of words. Instead of responding though, he grabbed her hand and stood up.

"Finn, I don't think this is a good idea…"

"Come on Rach," he coaxed. "You've never been scared of a crowd before. Didn't you just perform an entire run of West Side Story in New York City?"

Rachel glared at him. He had her there.

"Fine," Rachel said, standing. "But only because I need the practice."

"Whatever you say," he laughed and they made their way towards the stage. Finn took two microphones from Merissa on their way up and handed one to Rachel.

"What are we singing?" She whispered. However, the tune of the piano starting answered her inquiry.

"I hate you," she scoffed and Finn laughed. She didn't have the opportunity to express how inappropriate she felt this was before he started singing into the microphone.

"_Highway run into the midnight sun, wheels go round and round, you're on my mind…"_

"_Restless hearts, sleep alone tonight, sending all my love along the wire…"_

Rachel and Finn began to harmonize as their duet came on. Rachel turned to look at him and connected her eyes with his.

"_And they say the road ain't no place to start a family, right down the line it's been you and me…"_

Rachel felt as though she was actually HEARING the lyrics for the first time. She disconnected her eyes from Finn's only to close them as she sang the next part in accordance with his sultry voice:

"_And loving a music man ain't always what it's supposed to be…"_

She opened her eyes and re-locked them with Finn's. The next part practically killed her as she let the words escape her throat.

"_Oh boy, you stand by me. I'm forever yours, faithfully…"_

Rachel couldn't really deny it any longer.

She was forever his.

. . .

Neither of them really could explain, nor remember, the rest of the time they had spent at The Red Room.

After they finished the song, which got a standing ovation, Rachel figured she must have had another glass and a half of Merlot before they decided to leave. Which meant that Finn must have had at least two more beers.

After calling a cab (neither of them was in a state to drive), they made their way back home. After fumbling with the keys for what seemed like twenty minutes, Rachel laughed and snatched them from Finn's hands.

"You're inebriated," she laughed as she went to put the key in the lock. She missed by about four inches and stabbed the side of the door. This made Finn roar with laughter.

"Oh yeah, and you're completely sober," he said.

"Shhh!" Rachel giggled, attempting to get the key in and failing again. "You'll wake the neighbors."

"I will not," Finn said defiantly. Rachel laughed, finally getting the key to meet the lock. She twisted it and opened the door.

Stumbling in, Rachel haphazardly stepped out of her heels. She threw the keys on the end table as Finn clumsily came in behind her.

"That only took ten years," Finn commented. Rachel let out a small laugh as she turned around, both of them standing in the foyer.

"Tonight was fun," Rachel said. "You were right. I needed that."

Finn's brain felt hazy as he focused on the petite girl in front of him. He absently took a step forward.

"I tend to be right every now and then," he smiled.

They stood there for what felt like an eternity. Rachel stared up at him almost expectantly, but when neither of them said anything, she cleared her throat.

"Well, I guess I'm going to go to bed then," she said. "We have the hearing tomorrow…"

Despite her words, Rachel's feet remained planted on the ground. Finn stared down her, and his eyes turned from amusement to warm determination. They stood there for another eternity, just looking up at each other. Finn was sure that she could probably hear his heart trying to bang its way out of his chest.

"You haven't moved," Finn stated softly after a few moments.

"You're blocking the hallway to my bedroom," Rachel breathed, not breaking eye contact.

Something in Finn's eyes shifted dramatically, changing from determination to full-on lust.

Finn bent down fast and crashed his lips with Rachel's.

Rachel didn't fight back. There was something different between this kiss than the one from the other night. To Rachel, it was like comparing fake-twinkle lights to the real stars in the sky. The kiss they were now sharing was like a celestial sphere.

She moved her arms to embrace his neck as she moved her mouth with eagerness over his. Rachel took in the softness of his full lips, and couldn't get enough. Raked with unbridled desire, she parted her lips slightly to give him more access. Noting the response, Finn picked her up swiftly in one move from the ground.

Rachel continued to kiss him with vigor as she hitched her legs around his waist. She poured every ounce of herself into his kiss, letting his tongue explore her mouth. She felt him begin take steps in the opposite direction from where she had originally been heading.

Rachel was unsure if it was the alcohol or the longing that Finn had been carrying, but he was exceedingly suave as he carried her to the other room.

Cautious not to be overly forceful, Finn placed Rachel on the bed as their lips remained in contact. She felt incredibly fragile—physically and emotionally—and Finn felt at any moment she could shatter.

Rachel hesitantly let her fingers hold onto his dress shirt as she kissed him back. Finn broke apart from her for a moment to stare down at her intimately.

"That is not your bedroom," he breathed, referring to her previous statement in the foyer. "THIS will always be your bedroom."

Any inhibition Rachel had dashed away at Finn's words. Tugging with vigor, Rachel took off both of his shirts and they both tossed them effortlessly to the floor. His belt came next, and soon everything was off in a pile next to the bed. Rachel felt him begin to push up her dress as they continued to kiss, and she knew that it was the one and only barrier left between them and complete vulnerability.

She ran her fingers along the smooth planes of his chest and she felt him shiver at her soft touch. At this satisfaction, she continued to smoothly trace every curve of his muscle as he continued to push up her dress further and further. Finally, allowing herself to fully submit to what was happening, Rachel helped him pull it off.

Finn lifted himself up from her lips as he took her in. She was still just as breathtaking as he remembered her.

"Nothing's changed, you're still just as beautiful," he commented lovingly. She smiled at him, and felt the breath she had been holding deflate from her chest. Soon, he could feel Rachel rubbing against him in the most erotic way. His eyes fluttered closed at the friction they were creating. Not being able to take much more, Finn entered her gently as to make sure she didn't break. Rachel responded generously as she swayed her hips, matching his movements with equal desire. She felt completely intoxicated not because of the alcohol, but on his presence.

As they made love, both Finn and Rachel recognized that this act was much more different from the other times. They continued through the better part of the night, and each time Finn felt as though his heart could burst into flames at any minute.

Meanwhile, Rachel felt connected to Finn in a way she never had before and as she came off her high for the last time, she felt something set right within her. She began to feel whole. She was no longer just a fragment of who she once was.

She was Rachel Berry again.

At this realization, Rachel fought back tears that were fighting to spill over her eyes. Instead, she cuddled into Finn's chest as he pulled her close to him, uncaring of anything else in the world. She fell asleep in Finn's arms, thinking that it was exactly where she belonged.

* * *

_Eeek, hope you all liked it! However, there's still stuff we have to get through...hmm, like the hearing...wonder how that's going to go..._

_-goes to hide-_

_PS: If you all haven't heard one, look up some piano covers of Faitfully on youtube. Some of them are really beautiful! I hadn't planned on making that the song they sang until I heard one, then I just had to. And that's how I pictured the music going when writing it. :)_

_Keep reviewing!_

_xoxo_


	11. Purgatory

**Don't kill me!**

_I know I haven't updated in a few days. I spoil you all and then just disappear. Hopefully that won't happen again, but who knows!_

_Anyways...thanks again so so sooo much for your reviews! I love them. They make me smile. __I promise I won't be long-winded this time. On with the chapter!_

_DISCLAIMER: I don't own Glee or the characters, etc etc. If I did, there would be more Finn singing in the shower scenes. Because they're precious AND sexy._

_

* * *

_**CHAPTER 11: Purgatory**

It was the second morning in a row that Rachel woke up in her own bed, deep in Finn's embrace. Only this morning, she had a massive migraine.

She groggily rubbed her eyes and let them adjust to the new brightness of the bedroom. She rolled over to look at the clock, noting the time. When she realized that it was almost noon, Rachel darted out of bed, covering herself with the sheet.

"Finn," she hissed, stumbling slightly around the room. Her balance was still uncoordinated from the night before.

When he didn't stir, she shook him slightly.

"Finn!"

He grunted slightly and remained lying on the bed with his eyes closed. Rachel could only guess that he was as hungover as she was.

"Finn it's 11:15, we have an hour to get to the hearing!"

Finn mumbled something under his breath, but she didn't catch what he said. Instead, Rachel raced into the bathroom and looked at herself in the mirror. She was appalled at what she saw.

Her hair was overly tousled and her cheeks were bright and pink—like they had permanently stained in a blush. Her lips were slightly swollen and just below her right ear was a small, dark spot. Rachel let a gasp escape her lips.

"Are you kidding me?" She whispered to herself. It was as if she had "SEX" written all over her.

Inside, her head was pounding like a jackhammer. Had she ever had that much to drink? She also wondered where things were going to go from here with Finn. What did it mean for them? Could one night erase months of unhappiness? She didn't even know where Finn stood. For all she knew, this was a one-night stand.

She shook her head to herself at that thought. No. She was more than that to him. She had to be.

But still, the divorce was his idea… and he made no mention of stopping it.

Rachel fought the urge to scream and started the shower instead. There was no way she'd be able to salvage her appearance without one. They were probably just going to have to be tardy to the mediation.

Rachel quickly dashed to the door to close it, still holding the sheet around her body. As she went to close it, Finn stopped it with his hand and pushed past her. Rachel looked at him incredulously.

"I heard the shower," he said and gave her a small, mischievous smile.

"Finn," Rachel said seriously. "We don't have time to play around right now. We're going to be late."

"So," Finn began, raising his eyebrows. "This is the perfect solution. We shower together, and we save time AND water." He winked at her.

Rachel rolled her eyes. Finn continued to stand in front of her and she took in how fantastic he looked, even in the morning, even with the worst hangover headache in the entire world. She ignored the small, nagging feeling in the back of her mind.

"Fine," she conceded. "But no funny business. We seriously have to go."

"That's fine," Finn said with a smile, following her. "We can do that later."

Rachel snorted and dropped the sheet as they climbed in.

. . .

The car ride started off quiet.

Finn assumed Rachel was processing her thoughts—she had that look on her face. He thought about flipping on the radio, but decided against it. He wanted to leave the opportunity open to talk. Leaving her to her thoughts, Finn indulged in his.

Last night had been more than he could have hoped for. Every throb of his brain against his skull from his hangover was worth it to be with her again…especially in that way.

But what did this mean for them?

Obviously nothing at the moment since he was behind the wheel, making his way towards the lawyers' office. There was a lot of ground they had to cover at the meeting today, since apparently they were on their way to going through with it. He was unsure of how everything would go down. How he would act. How Rachel would react. Finn desperately wanted to avoid it. He contemplated pulling into the nearest parking lot and turning around. All he wanted to do was go back to the house and just lay in bed with her all day. He wanted to just go back to normal.

But looking at the girl in the seat next to him, he realized that things between them were far from normal.

Rachel realized this too, and spoke for the first time since they left the house.

"Should we talk about this before we go into the hearing?" she asked.

"Talk about what?" Finn played dumb and let his eyes stay on the road instead of turning to look at her.

"Us."

Finn held his breath for a moment. Truthfully, he didn't really know what to say. He avoided this conversation this morning because he didn't know how to approach it, but she had him cornered now. He wanted to remain in their bubble; Finn didn't want to face their mistakes. But, he was the one who filed the papers after all. And despite their night of bliss, he knew that still meant something to Rachel, even though it no longer meant anything to him.

Finn exhaled before speaking.

"So, you think there still is an 'us'?" he asked.

"I didn't mean it like that," Rachel said. Finn felt his heart sink. Recognizing his deflation, Rachel continued on. "What I mean is, we're sort of in this…purgatory. Between reconciling and divorcing. We have to…"

Finn looked at her as she trailed off.

"We have to make a decision, Finn."

Finn ran his hand through his hair, sighing.

"I know."

They pulled into the parking lot and Finn put the car in park. As he cut the engine, he turned towards Rachel.

"I think we need more time," he began. "Time together. Time to sort everything out."

Rachel's eyes became glassy with tears. She smiled slightly and nodded at him. She leaned over and grabbed her purse.

"Come on then. Let's go inside."

. . .

Rachel wasn't sure what they were going to say to the lawyers when they got to their meeting, but she couldn't stop her heart from feeling like flying as they walked inside. She fought the urge to take Finn's hand as they walked, and instead clasped her own together. She wanted to get this over with as soon as possible so they could head back home. She wanted today to be the first day of their new lives, and they had a lot to work through before they could get to that point. Anything else, Rachel thought, was just a distraction.

When the divorce was first initiated, each of them had been assigned a lawyer. They had wanted it to go as smoothly as possible—and as quickly as possible. Now, Rachel was hoping, they could stall it for as long as possible. If not forever.

Last night had changed everything.

Rachel and Finn met up with each of their representatives and they were escorted into a conference room. Both of them passed on having private discussions before the meeting began. Rachel didn't want to waste any time.

They sat across from each other as each of their lawyers shuffled around paperwork.

"Okay," Finn's lawyer, Jack Dennings, began. "Let's get started. We're here today for the first mediation of Finn Hudson and Rachel Berry. We'll first discuss the assets of each party and how to divide up joint property."

"We actually—" Finn started wanting to stop anything before it started, but Mr. Dennings talked over him.

"Mr. Hudson, has previously stated that he wishes to provide no alimony and is not willing to split the property."

"Wait, what?" Rachel asked, surprised at what she heard. Mr. Dennings took this as a wish for him to clarify.

"It is at the request of my client that he pays Miss Berry nothing in financial grants for the divorce and that he remains in possession of the property aside from her personal belongings."

"We never discussed that," Ben Kilmer, Rachel's lawyer said. "This isn't an acceptable settlement."

"We actually were wondering if we could postpone further hearings…" Finn trailed. His eyes were panicked.

"No," Rachel said, her forehead creasing with emotion. Her entire body felt frozen in place and her blood was racing in her system. "Was that really your intention? To give me nothing?"

Rachel felt her entire body begin to shatter. This couldn't be true…

"What makes you and your client think that this will pass in a court?" Mr. Kilmer asked. Rachel stared at Finn.

"It is by a previous discussion between me and my client that Miss Berry would agree to this arrangement."

The words hit Rachel like a ten-ton truck.

What made him think that this would be okay and that she would agree? Was this his intention all along?

Rachel knew that she could easily survive on her own financially, but to her it wasn't about that. It was about the fact that it was Finn's wished to leave her with nothing. To completely sever her from his life completely, to no longer be responsible for her in any way. She was shocked that he would do this to her. The man that she just made love to merely hours before. It didn't make sense, but to Rachel, there was no explanation that would be able to rectify what he had done.

"Rachel…" Finn began dejectedly. He looked directly into her eyes, to which she narrowed hers in return. "I came up with that statement a long time ago…"

"Well," Mr. Kilmer interjected, still attempting to speak on Rachel's behalf. "I'm interested in hearing what the current settlement proposal is, since an updated one was due 48 hours ago."

"This was the one that was submitted in that time frame," Mr. Dennings stated.

Rachel felt a sheet of tears wanting to build up, but she was too blinded by sudden anger to let them go any farther.

"Excuse me?"

Before anyone else had a chance to speak, Rachel grabbed her things. She couldn't be here right now. Her head was still pounding, but this time it wasn't from her obvious hangover. Rachel was incredulous to the fact that Finn would do this to her, that he would be so deceitful. And two days ago, no less! She needed to think. She needed to leave.

"I'm…I'm sorry," Rachel stuttered. "Can we reschedule this for another time? I can't do this today."

Before waiting to hear a response, Rachel rushed out of the building. She was angry at herself for not staying to complete the meeting, to fight for what should rightfully be hers, but she couldn't do it. It was like she had been slapped in the face, and the sting of betrayal lingered strong. She needed to re-evaluate her thoughts.

Rachel ducked her head as she walked by the receptionist of the office, no longer able to avoid the tears that were pushing violently to come out. As she let the salty liquid flow from her eyes, she walked out of the building and towards the sidewalk. She didn't know how she was going to get back to the house, but she did know that she was going to do it on her own.

As her heels clicked on the cement as she walked, Rachel let the tears continue to fall down her face. Things had taken a turn so fast, and her head was spinning in an attempt to keep pace.

She couldn't believe herself. It was if she had patched up the hole in her soul so quickly, that she never made sure the seams were sewn completely shut. She was still coping with her loss, and she was angry with herself for losing sight of that. After all, it was what started their downward spiral in the first place. But her unborn child was something worth holding on to, and she couldn't believe that she had forgotten that in the last two days. And why was she surprised? Finn had been the one who had filed for the divorce in the first place. She should have known that his words were fabricated and his actions were just another ploy in his lies. She was furious that she succumbed to a fantasy of a happy-ever-after. She felt wounded and most of all, she felt humiliated.

Why was she always letting Finn affect her like this? While she wasn't claiming to be the victim, she didn't understand why Finn constantly crushed her. Rachel should have known better this time. It was always her that ended up being blind-sighted. She was tired of running away. She was tired of crying. She didn't want to hurt anymore.

Rachel resolved that this was the last time he'd do this to her.

Finn Hudson would never hurt her again, because she wouldn't let him be around her to do it.

* * *

_Ahhhhh!_

_Don't kill me!_

_They'll find their way back to each other...they always do, don't they? I never promised I'd make this easy... :P Don't stop reading! Keep reviewing!_

_xoxo_


	12. Around in circles

**Eeek!**

_You all have been lovely! Sorry I haven't updated in a few days. I just started a new job so I've been easing into it. Thanks so much for sticking with me._

_This chapter gets a little heavy, so you're all probably going to want to kill me (ahhh!) but put down those pitchforks because I promise that there will be good stuff eventually. As it has been started before by a WONDERFUL writer/producer "there's always hope for Finn and Rachel". ;)_

_THANKS SO MUCH FOR YOUR REVIEWS! I love them I love them I love them._

_Disclaimer: I don't own Glee or the characters, etc etc. If I did, they would've won Regionals._

_

* * *

_**CHAPTER 12: Around in circles**

Finn's heart was racing as he strode up the driveway. She hadn't been answering her phone, but he felt as though that should have been an obvious given. However, he wished by some chance that she would. He needed to talk to her. He needed a chance to explain. Finn only hoped that as he opened the front door and crossed the entryway of the house, that she would be there.

"Rachel?" He called out shyly. There was no response, just the hum of the refrigerator.

Finn sighed and ran his fingers over his head. He stood in the middle of the dining room for a moment, unsure of what move to make next. Should he go look for her? She just left the office without a glance back, and even though he had followed her out, it was as if she disappeared. She didn't want to be found.

Finn looked up at the clock and noticed that it was a quarter after 3. It had been a while since they walked out on the mediation, and Finn wondered if he really should start to panic. He realized Rachel didn't want to speak with him, but at the same time, what if something happened to her? It made Finn anxious to be away from her. His insides squirmed at the thought of her being in danger.

Finn took out his phone and began to dial Rachel again. His heart rate began to return to a normal pace when he faintly heard the chorus of "Defying Gravity" play from the guest bedroom. He dashed towards it.

"Dammit!" He heard Rachel curse from behind the closed door. She silenced her phone.

"Rachel," Finn said, knocking softly. "Please, let me come in."

"Go away, Finn."

"Rachel," he said more seriously. "I want to talk to you about the statement."

"Yeah?" She shouted from behind the barrier. "There were plenty of opportunities for that and you didn't feel it was fitting to tell me about it then. I have nothing more to say to you now."

"I am not above breaking down this door," Finn responded angrily. God, she could be SO stubborn sometimes. "Hear. Me. Out."

There was silence from behind the door. Just as Finn was getting ready to snap the wood off the hinges (or at least attempt to) it flew open.

It nearly severed Finn's heart in half to see Rachel's face red and splotchy as she stood in the doorway. She was still in the clothes she wore to the hearing.

"I don't want to stand here and listen to you come up with some elaborated tale to try and explain yourself," Rachel told him assuredly.

"Just listen to me, okay? This is part of the reason why I wanted more time…"

"Why?" Rachel shouted. "So you can get me to agree to this with minimal court hearings? Is that what last night was about? A step in your plan? Get me drunk and let me sleep with you so it'd be easier of you to take advantage of me in the divorce?"

"You know me better than that!" Finn yelled defensively. "I would never do that to you. Last night was REAL. And I know that you know that. This is just you transforming into your insecure self only to push me away. Stop pushing me away, Rachel!"

"I am NOT insecure," Rachel glared. "And how is this any different from you manipulating me back in high school when you wanted me to return to Glee Club so you could land a scholarship! I am not going to stand here while you feed me another lie."

"Rachel, would you stop! This isn't high school. And I'm not lying to you! You're being irrational."

If she had been the old Rachel, the use of a word such as 'irrational' would have elicited some humor or a smile out of her. The fact that he was using more than a simple vocabulary would have been cause for a comment. But not during this time…Finn sighed at their predicament.

"Oh so it just conveniently was left out that you were planning on screwing me over?" Rachel asked, raising her voice and interrupting his drifting thoughts. Finn was surprised at her language, but he ignored it as she continued. "I would have never expected you to give me financial support Finn. But the fact that it was your wish to leave me with nothing just feels like a betrayal. I worked to pay for this house too, you know. You may have bought it, but who was paying the mortgage all those months while you were working for a promotion? I gave up SO MUCH to be with you and you want to give me NOTHING?"

Finn felt his blood begin to boil at Rachel's words.

"Well, I am SO sorry to have made you feel that way," Finn bellowed in anger. "If it was such a burden for you to stay here with me all that time…if you had given up SO MUCH for me…then why didn't you leave earlier? Huh? It would have saved us from this HELL a lot sooner."

"Oh don't you DARE turn this back around on me, Finn!" Rachel screamed. She turned away from the doorway and headed back into the room. Finn followed her, not wanting the conversation to be over yet. "You decided that hell the day you filed those papers," Rachel spat. She whirled around to see Finn cornering her.

"No way," Finn retorted. "You started making the atmosphere this way long before that."

"I WAS GRIEVING FINN!" Rachel screamed, tears rolling out of her eyes and onto her cheeks. "Not as if you would understand!"

"I DID UNDERSTAND," He bellowed. "But there's a line between grieving and purposefully making yourself miserable! God, Rachel. You shut me out a long time ago and THAT is when things became like hell."

"Oh here we go again," Rachel argued, wiping the tears that were staining her reddened cheeks. "You know what, I don't have time for these games anymore. You want to lay the blame on me, fine. You want to have this argument for the millionth time, be my guest. But do it alone. I have a plane to catch."

Rachel's words hit Finn like a splash of cold water to the face. Shaking his head and calming his pulse, he stared at her intently. His mouth became dry as he said "What are you talking about?"

"I'm going home," Rachel said and walked over to where her black suitcase was sitting, packed and upright. "To New York."

The words made Finn's head spin in a giant circle. He felt as though all the oxygen from his brain had burned away and he was going to pass out at any given moment.

"What about the rest of the hearings?"

"I'll do them from a conference call in New York," Rachel said coolly. "I can't pretend that this is something that it's not anymore. Today reminded me of that. I have a life that I am going to return to."

Rachel stared at Finn for a moment longer before turning around. She tugged at her suitcase and picked up her purse and started to walk out of the room.

"Rachel, don't do this again."

It was the only thing that Finn could say. He didn't know what else to do to stop her, and deep down he knew that there wasn't anything that would. When Rachel was stubborn and made up her mind, there was nothing anyone could do to change it. Finn felt despair as she stopped to turn around and look at him for one last time, and he wanted desperately to reach out to keep her from leaving. Instead, he stood there frozen in place.

"Goodbye, Finn." She said quietly and then walked out the door.

. . .

Rachel's head was spiraling.

With her eyes squeezed shut, she felt as if the dizziness she was experiencing pushed down all the way to her toes. Images of circles appeared in her brain in high Technicolor flashes. Two people rotating around each other, their arms touching each other's backs; first in bright red shirts, next in royal blue, the touches were soft and cautious. Then, she was in a black dress with a red ribbon, followed by a black dress with a white bow. The touches were needy and more prevalent. She could feel the weight of the hand on her body. All of them were on a stage, bright lights illuminating their every move. Finally, one last circle, this time, with no touch involved. However, it was more heated than any of the ones before, and their eyes remained glued to each other as they completed it slowly, more deliberately than the others. It made Rachel almost lose her breath in the process. She could feel this one, more than any of the other ones combined…it replayed over in her head, the music echoing loud in hear ears…

"Miss?"

Rachel snapped alert with a gasp. She opened her eyes, desperately thinking they'd be met with the warm, bright hazel ones from her dream. Instead, they were met with the blue ones of the flight attendant. Rachel looked around, incredibly disoriented.

"We're arriving into JFK," the flight attendant said. "We're going to need you to put your seat into an upright position."

Rachel looked around at her surroundings. Her eyes adjusted to the dim lighting of the plane cabin and she fought back the tears that threatened to spill over at the realization the images she had been seeing were just dreams. She nodded her head so the attendant knew she heard her and adjusted her seat.

Feeling her heart become heavy, Rachel stared longingly out the window down at the city below her. As Manhattan came more into view, she took a deep breath and thought about how soon she would be back in her element, living amongst people of all different types. It'd be easy to move on from the past week because she was always busy when she was in New York. There was always something to do.

This was her home now, she told herself.

She took another deep breath, this time one of confidence, and ignored the images from her dream that crept into her mind. As the plane landed, people began to shuffle about in typical New York fashion. Always somewhere to be, always something that needed to be done. She made a vow to adapt to this way of life wholeheartedly. It was the only lifestyle that would keep her on her feet and not give her any downtime to think of the past. From now on, Rachel was only going to move forward—with her career, and with her life.

As Rachel grabbed her bag and exited the plane, she tried not to think about shapes of circles.

* * *

_Holler! ;)_

_It will get better...pinky promise!_

_Keep reviewing! I love them all and I thank you from the bottom of my heart!_

_xoxo_


	13. A matter of coping

**Thanks everyone!**

_For being so patient and leaving awesome reviews! I appreciate it! On with a new chapter!_

_DISCLAIMER: I do not own Glee or the characters, etc. etc. If I did, I would own all of Quinn's clothes because they're super cute._

_

* * *

_**CHAPTER 13: A matter of coping**

As the weeks went by, Rachel felt things become easier.

Life in New York always felt natural to her. She loved the hustle and bustle of the city, how it came alive at night when the rest of the world was going to sleep… she felt comfortable there, and she felt like anything was possible.

Rachel almost pitied herself for even considering choosing a life in Lima. When she did find herself thinking of her past for a brief moment, she thought of its mundane atmosphere and its lackluster appeal. Often when she thought of the small town, she told herself how unhappy she would have been if she had stayed. New York could run circles around Lima—marathons even.

Rachel had made the right choice, she told herself. She was happy here.

But as often as she told herself this, she was also plagued with thoughts of her soon-to-be ex-husband.

She would dismiss these thoughts as soon as they entered her mind however, and she would busy herself with one of her many tasks she wanted to accomplish before she had a chance to feel anything. Usually that meant preparing for an audition.

After she returned to New York, she was cast in a few plays that had short runs. She was still anticipating her first big role, something that her casting agent told her would "emerge soon, my delicate flower!". In the first few weeks upon her return, Rachel would beam at this reassurance. After all, he was one of the most sought out agents in New York—his success rate with actors was highly notable and she was flattered he chose to represent her. Now, his reassurance was just an annoyance—she knew he was pushing her aside. He was pandering to her inquiries.

So, she embarked on the long process of auditions for other shows outside of her company. She knew that if she threw herself into her work, it would not only eventually be rewarded, but she would also not have to think about the disease of her failed marriage. Rachel found herself on more than one occasion feeling disbelief that she and Finn were part of the 50% of marriages in today's society that didn't work out. Rachel Berry was never casted in a statistic, and when she found herself being a part of a negative one, the thought made her ill. In order to cope, she dealt with it the only way she knew how—she took to the stage.

She listlessly auditioned for everything she could find that would somehow advance her career. Each one resulted in a reasonable outcome, but Rachel was still waiting for her big break.

She didn't have to wait much longer, however. By her third exhausting week of auditioning, Rachel finally got the phone call she had been waiting for…

"Rachel, my sweet delicate rose," Roger, her agent, cooed to her on the phone. "I have big news, baby doll!"

"What is it?" Rachel asked somewhat excitedly as she poured herself a cup of tea from a pot. She took two steps to reach her "living room" in her apartment and sat down on the couch.

"They loved you!" He screamed.

Rachel smiled and kept quiet, her sign to ask him to continue. Roger always started his conversations similarly, only to tell her that she got cast ad an understudy or put in the chorus. She had been tempted to take a few of those roles, but Rachel knew she was better than that. She wanted to prove it to herself and to the world that she was made of star-power, and she wasn't going to do that standing on a riser at the back of a stage.

"Loved me how?" Rachel implored, dipping her tea bag into her mug.

"Loved you enough to call you Cosette for the next six months!" Roger replied in a sing-song voice. "I am a genius. I harvested you as a little rose bud and now you are in full-bloom!"

"I got it?" Rachel screamed, nearly dropping her mug. "I got the part?"

"Yes, yes, my darling!" Roger said. "That is what I am telling you. You my dear, are in Les Miserables. This is very big, Rachel Berry. Good things are going to come of this."

Rachel leaped off the couch and did a twirl in the center of her apartment.

"Roger! You are astonishing in every sense of the word! Thank you!"

"Oh my dear flower," Roger shushed her. "It's true that my cunning intuition and insight enabled you to audition, but it was your brilliance that landed you the role. Go out and celebrate tonight love, you deserve it."

Rachel beamed.

"I am just floored," she breathed. "I wasn't expecting you to tell me I landed a lead. In a Broadway revival no-less!"

"Yes, yes, it is all very good news," Roger replied. "Tell me my petite petal, how does it feel knowing your dreams of stardom are coming true?"

Rachel couldn't help but think of Finn in that moment and wondered how he would react if he found out. Would he be proud of her? How did she really feel without him by her side to share it with her? She felt her throat begin to hollow in despair, and before she had another second to dote on it, she pushed her thoughts of him to the furthest corner of her mind and forced a small smile.

"It feels incredible," she said quietly.

. . .

"Dude, you really need to reintroduce yourself to a razor."

Finn shot Puck a glare and guzzled off his second bottle of beer and pushed it aside. He signaled to the bartender for a new one.

"Lay off ass," Finn responded.

"No seriously man," Puck said taking a seat next to his friend. "You look like the hobo that waits outside the 7-11 on Main Street."

Finn didn't respond as he began to nurse his third beer. Puck ordered a bottle and turned to look sternly at his friend. It had been weeks since Rachel had left, and Finn only declined after her departure. Puck was his only contact with the outside world, besides those that he worked with every day. But even at work things had gotten so bad that he usually just kept to his office filing paperwork.

"I don't care what I look like," Finn responded. "Who the hell am I trying to impress?"

Puck gulped some of his drink before turning towards him.

"Hey, Finnessa," Puck said with an attitude. "Stop being such a girl. You've gone all chick-batty since Rachel left. You're getting soft man. What you need is some action. There's a fine piece of ass over by the juke box…"

"Would you listen to yourself?" Finn snapped. "Grow up."

"Dude, shut up," Puck said seriously. "Quit feeling so damn sorry for yourself. Grow a pair and move on. Berry is."

Finn wanted nothing more to launch himself out of his seat and sucker punch Puck right in the stomach. But he didn't even have the motivation for that. Instead, he guzzled down more of his beer.

"And don't tell me to grow up," Puck added after a moment. "We're in our early 20's for Christ sake. We're not supposed to be grownups yet. Just because you decided to become an adult at the age of 19 doesn't mean the rest of the world has to."

Finn turned to stare at his friend intently. Creasing his eyebrows, he realized that Puck was right. Finn was only 23. This was the time for him to be making mistakes. Instead, he felt like he was nearing retirement. By choosing the lifestyle he did, he sacrificed his youth. Finn found this revelation fascinating, but still didn't have the motivation to go beyond that. He was too tired, too depressed to really care.

"Whatever," Finn mumbled, taking another sip. "I guess you're right."

"Dammit," Puck said, slamming down his glass. "You are such a WIMP."

Finn looked at him angrily.

"Excuse me?"

"You heard me," he said. "Stop acting like your baby lamb of a step-brother and man up. I bet your piece-of-ass ex-wife is acting manlier than you are right now."

Suddenly, Finn rocketed off his barstool and raised his fist towards Puck. However, he was too fast and Puck was fending Finn off before he had a chance to do anything else. Several bar patrons looked at them cautiously.

"Do. Not. Talk. About. Rachel. That. Way!" Finn steamed.

"Finally bro," Puck said, still holding him in a lock. He released him and Finn angrily sat back down in his seat with a grunt. "That's the most ambition I've seen from you in weeks. And it took me talking about Rachel to do it? Whatever. At least I know there's still a human in there somewhere."

Finn looked at him curiously.

"What?"

"You used to have aspirations or whatever," Puck responded. "Now you just sit around like a pod person. Damn, do something with yourself."

Finn's forehead creased in wonder, imploring his friend to continue.

"Either go after Berry or move the hell on. Either way, you gotta do something. Otherwise someone's going to have you committed. Jesus."

Finn stared at Puck in total shock. He was right. He needed to do something. He couldn't continue on with the way he was…well, he couldn't even call it living. Existing was probably a better word.

"Screw you man," Finn said, but he nodded in acknowledgement. Signaling the bartender, he bought Puck another drink before looking over at him.

"Thanks man," Finn said.

He vowed to make a change, to start living as a normal person again. That included the ambitions, and feelings, he once possessed.

Starting with Rachel.

* * *

_Whaaaat's gonna happen? I dunno... :)_

_Keep reviewing! Love you all!_

_xoxo_


	14. Ghosts from the past

**Oh my goodness!**

_Sorry that it's taken me a few days for an update! I've been super busy. But I've basically mapped out the rest of the story and it should be between 20 and 23 chapters! So hopefully that will make the updates a little faster! Thanks for all your amazing reviews! :)_

_DISCLAIMER: I don't own Glee, the characters, etc etc. If I did, there would be a 90's pop-themed episode instead of just a B. Spears episode._

_

* * *

_**CHAPTER 14: Ghosts from the past**

The sound of the phone dialing made Finn's palms sweat slightly. His throat began to feel dry, and he contemplated hanging up immediately—however it seemed as though he shifted into a statue. The small cell phone remained attached to his ear, and by the third unanswered ring, Finn was convinced that it was a sign. Maybe she wasn't home, or maybe he had the wrong number…Finn was hoping it was the former rather than the latter.

After deciding that he needed to speak to Rachel, it took him two weeks to work up the bravery. When he finally chose to sit down and just call her, it took him the entire afternoon to work up the courage to dial the number. Deciding that calling her cell would be too risky, he searched for her land-line. After a small amount of investigating, Finn uncovered the digits and took a significant amount of time persuading himself that it was what he needed to do.

If he had any chance of winning her back, he needed to pick up the phone.

By the fourth ring, Finn wanted to end the call. However, something willed him to stay on the line—at least to leave her a message on her machine. If she wasn't home, at least he could hear her recording on the answering machine…

"Hello?"

Finn's heart almost leaped out of his chest, but his pulse quickly froze in place when he noted the deep-vibrato of the person on the other end of the line. It was the sound of a man's voice.

"Oh, er," Finn stuttered. "I must have dialed the wrong number…"

"Who are you calling for?" The man asked. He sounded familiar.

"Er, Rachel Berry…"

"No you have the right number," he responded. "Rach, babe! Phone!"

Finn's mouth was agape with shock. Any words that were floating around in his head that he had planned out to say completely evaporated. Before he had the opportunity to hear her bell-like voice, he ended the call.

_What. The. Hell. _Finn thought to himself. He remained unmoving in his chair. Was she seeing someone? And he was already answering her phone and calling her babe? They were still in the middle of their god-damned divorce. It had only been several weeks since they had been in each other's arms, since they made love. Had she moved on that quickly?

His blood began to freeze in place. As he sat in the quiet house they once shared, Finn's imagination got the better of him. He knew it was stupid to think about the what-if's, but he couldn't help it. And although he knew he had no right to think of Rachel that way, Finn's blood began to boil at the thought of her officially being with another guy. He thought of them holding hands as they walked along Central Park. He saw them going to Broadway shows together. He pictured her sitting in his lap when she wanted to be a little flirty. When his mind wandered to the faceless ass's hands touching her exquisite body, he threw his phone across the living room in a fit of rage. The small device shattered as it made contact with the wall.

With a grunt, Finn brought himself up out of his chair and walked towards the front door to the end table where his keys sat. He took a look at himself in the mirror, noting that his scruff was starting to grow back. He had shaved it once Puck shook some sense into him a couple of weeks ago, but now he had no reason to revert back to his clean-shaven image. Only Rachel preferred him that way, and Rachel clearly preferred some other guy's smooth-face now.

Finn glanced down at the picture of them that was placed on the end table from Regionals all those years ago. The day he told her he loved her. The day he gave his heart to her completely. Now, while his heart remained with her, she took hers and left. He was hollow and she was whole.

Finn took the picture and laid it face down on the table, no longer able to look at the couple that was so in love staring back at him.

Finn angrily snatched his keys and his wallet from the table and walked out the door, headed for the bar.

. . .

Rachel stared at her reflection as she wiped the condensation off of her mirror. She had endured another long day of rehearsals and all she wanted was a nice hot shower and just to relax for the rest of the night.

That's all she was thinking of when he called her to see if she wanted to hang out again. He suggested watching Funny Girl. She figured she'd like the company, and of course she was always open to the movie. Now, he was out there waiting for her. She tried not to even think of what Finn would do if he heard about the madness. Not that it mattered. Her feelings were made abundantly clear, and she doubted he even missed her. She had left him again, and she doubted that he would ever forgive her for that. They were proceeding with the divorce. It was time to move on.

She tousled her wet hair with a towel as she exited her bathroom towards the living room.

"Rach, babe! Phone."

Rachel looked perplexed at the address and grabbed her phone.

"Hello?" she asked. Her inquiry was met with a dial tone.

"There's no one there," Rachel said. "Did they say who it was?"

"No. It was a guy asking for you."

Rachel's brows creased as she put the device back on the cradle. She knew it was frivolous to think that it could possibly be him…after all, once again, she reminded herself that she was the one who left. It was what needed to be done.

Rachel looked up at her house guest and stared for a moment. She couldn't believe that after all this time, all these years, he was standing here. They had been hanging out for nearly two weeks now, and she couldn't decide how she felt about their reconnection. But she was lonely in New York. Most of the friends she made before her trip to Ohio were usually unavailable when Rachel was free, and he could keep up with the high demands of her Les Mis rehearsal schedule. Sometimes, he'd even help her run lines.

"So," she started. "I was going to make some tea, do you want some?"

"I'd love some," he responded.

Rachel nodded and disappeared to the kitchen to start the pot. In the process, she thought about the phone caller. Not a lot of guys called her, especially on her land line. She thought about her almost ex-husband back in Lima, allowing his boyish face appearing in her mind for the first time in a long time. Rachel knew she was grasping at straws in thinking that it could have been Finn calling for her. And in any case, whoever it was had hung up, so clearly they didn't want to get a hold of her that badly…

Rachel's reverie was interrupted as her guest entered the kitchen. She turned to look at him and gave him a small smile in return to his big one.

"What?" she asked curiously.

"Nothing," he shook his head, still smiling. "I just can't get over it."

"Get over what?" Rachel asked curiously, a smile playing more at her lips.

"At the fact that once again I was right."

Rachel implored him to continue with her eyes.

"I told you it was an inevitability that you would end up on Broadway."

She stared at him, a flood of high school memories flashing into her brain like images in an old flip book. They were dim and unclear, but they were still very much prevalent.

"Not exactly," she shook her head. "You said that I'd be in Evita, and that's not true. I'm definitely not going to showcase my talents on 'Don't Cry For Me, Argentina' anytime soon."

"No," he said, taking a step closer. "You'll be platforming them in a much more exquisite way, my darling Cosette."

Rachel's eyes lightened in the glow of his compliment. Even years later, he still knew exactly what to say to flatter her.

Rachel looked up at him as he inched closer to her. He wasn't as tall as she remembered in her flashbacks, but that could be because she had trouble distinguishing any boy from high school that wasn't almost a foot taller than she was…

She felt him ruffle her damp hair, and Rachel knew that he was going to make an advance at any second.

"Jesse, I don't think…"

But he was too quick for her, and before she could speak any more, he pressed his lips to hers.

Rachel could hear the kettle begin to scream in sign that the water was ready, and Rachel's insides felt much like the sound that emitted from the kettle on the stove. Jesse's kiss felt different, and as his lips moved over hers, she put minimal effort to match them. She remembered this feeling natural once, but now it felt different. Not necessarily a bad different, but just…unfamiliar. Rachel felt herself trying to process the moment, and when the kiss was over, she looked up at him. He smiled at her.

"I forgot how good of a kisser you were," he said as he smoothed her hair. She gave him another small smile. Up until now, their hangouts had been strictly platonic. Her insides squirmed slightly and she felt a little lighter on her feet—a feeling she used to get when she kissed Jesse back in high school if she remembered correctly. Before he smashed her heart like the egg that he smashed on her head.

She waited for the butterflies that she normally felt when she shared a kiss, but they didn't come.

Her eyebrows creased.

"What is it?" Jesse asked, a small infliction of concern in his voice.

"Nothing," Rachel said, smoothing over her features. "The tea's ready."

* * *

_GAHH! Don't kill me._

_I'm not a big St. Berry fan AT ALL (obviously). But yeah._

_Keep reading and reviewing! It'll happen, I promise!_

_xoxo_


	15. Rain

**Hello!**

_New chapter for ya'll. I'm sorry that I brought back *EVIL* Jesse, but he's essential to my plot! Anyways, hope you enjoy the new chapter! And some fluffy stuff for the AWESOME Season 2 Fichel news we got tonight! Yay! :)_

_I won't be able to post a new chapter for a few days because I'm going out of town. But hopefully I'll update by this weekend! Thanks for your reviews!_

_DISCLAIMER: I do not own Glee, the characters, etc. etc...BUT IF I DID I'D TOTALLY DO WHAT RM PROMISED TONIGHT! ARRRIBA! Viva la Fichel :)_

_

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_**CHAPTER 15: Rain**

The remainder of Rachel's week went by somewhat uneventfully as she busied herself with rehearsals.

The weather in the city had been somewhat reflective of her current state of mind, and Rachel began to feel moody. It remained almost entirely overcast during the course of the day, and at random points a ray of sunshine would fight to appear through gaps in the grey clouds. Rachel would close her eyes if she happened to be walking down the street when this occurred, and she would attempt to savor the weak bit of warmth that kissed her skin. It was in those moments that she felt optimistic and content, but they would quickly pass with the sun as another block of clouds rolled by.

After her and Jesse shared the kiss in her kitchen, she did the best that she could in avoiding him while still trying to keep contact. She was angry for allowing herself to be so vulnerable and careless. She knew that he was such a…what was it that Finn called him once? A tool?

Not a day went by after the event where Rachel didn't reflect on what had happened. She knew that allowing him to make a move was a foolish thing to do, but at the same time, she didn't want to push him away. Truthfully, he was her closest ally in New York. She cherished the company. But even so, whenever they were together, there was always a part of her that was wishing he was Finn…just as it was in high school…

Rachel returned to these thoughts once again as she boarded the subway on her way to yet another day of rehearsals. Staring at her phone as the bus began to lurch forward in pursuit of her destination, she saw that she had a new message:

**Hello my favorite starlet…haven't heard from you all week.**

Rachel sighed before typing back. The subway stopped to let some passengers off.

**I've been exceedingly busy with rehearsals and other stuff. I've just got a lot on my plate. I'm really sorry, Jesse.**

Rachel shifted uneasily in her seat as she sent the message. It wasn't exactly true, but she didn't really have any other reason for avoiding him. It wasn't as if she was going to respond 'yeah sorry, I've been debating as to whether or not I want to see you…especially because I still constantly think about my soon-to-be ex-husband.'

**Ah you don't need to explain to me the stresses of stardom. Anything I can be of help for?**

She sighed for a moment, feeling lost in trying to distinguish his level of authenticity. Did he have alterior motives? Or was she just paranoid?

Rachel contemplated the words she wanted to respond with. Coming up with nothing, she gave up for the moment as the subway pulled up to her stop. Rachel pushed past people quickly as she hustled out of the station. She felt as though with each step she took underground, she got dirtier and dirtier. She hated the subway. It was grotesque. But it was inexpensive.

As she made her way up the stairs, Rachel noted a lovely, clean scent that hit her as she walked into the daylight. Her olfactory was completely heightened, and she inhaled deeply. She loved the smell of rain.

Rachel made her way along the sidewalk, now walking slower than usual towards the theater. She felt a couple of drops hit her head and face as the precipitation started to leak from the puffy grey clouds. She inhaled again, taking up the thick perfume of the weather. She indulged in her memories, remembering that this was Finn's favorite smell in the entire world…

. . .

"_Hey, Rach! Come here!"_

_Rachel turned curiously towards her boyfriend as he shouted from across the parking lot._

"_Finn! What are you doing? We're already late!" _

_Rachel cursed herself for riding with Finn under her breath—and for the 10 minute make-out session they had in the car before they got out. Now they were behind schedule._

"_Just come here real quick!"_

_Rachel scampered over to him in large strides, wobbling slightly as she walked. She was wearing heels—something she was hardly used to—and Finn grinned at her as she came towards him. She fought to stay on two feet as she tripped over her long, white gown. She made her way over to him, and as she approached, she wore a grumpy look upon her face._

"_Finn," she started. "If my dads don't see me graduate, they're going to have multiple coronaries. What are you doing?"_

_Finn looked up at the sky as several rain drops spilled from the grey clouds above them._

"_And I'M going to have one if I get soaked in this white gown before we go inside. What are you looking at?"_

_Rachel looked straight up in the direction he was staring at, and her eyes met with the overcast sky. A rain drop landed on her nose, and as she moved her head back down, her cap slid down into her eyes. Finn reached out and pushed it up gently, the red sleeve of his own gown lightly brushing her face._

"_Just, sniff," he said. Rachel gave him an absurd look. "Just smell. Can you smell the rain?"_

"_Yeah…" she trailed._

"_It's my favorite scent in the world."_

_Rachel eyed him curiously, and before she had a chance to respond, Finn continued to speak._

"_Did I ever tell you about Drizzle?"_

"_Huh?" Rachel asked._

"_When I thought Quinn's baby was mine, I decided to brainstorm baby names one day. I was having a hard time coming up with something, until one day it started drizzling. I love that smell. So I told Quinn that I wanted to name the baby Drizzle."_

_An amused smile played at the corners of Rachel's mouth, but when she saw the seriously look on his face, her features became soft. It used to make Rachel uncomfortable to talk about the baby, but enough time had passed now and it seemed to be just a distant memory._

"_And what did she say?"_

"_She called me an idiot and then told me we weren't naming our baby anything."_

_Rachel's eyes met his, and she reached up to gently stroke his face, lingering on the map of freckles that lined his lower cheek._

"_But then she and Puck named her Beth," Rachel stated quietly._

_Finn nodded, appreciating that Rachel knew what he wanted to say without him actually having to say it. Rachel leaned up—not as high this time due to her heels—to kiss him on the cheek. Finn appreciated her understanding. _

"_It's all in the past now. We're all not even the same people we were two years ago," she said. "We're getting ready to graduate…that is, if we make it inside!"_

_A small smile came across Finn's face and reached all the way up to his eyes. She always knew just what to say, even if it was sometimes too much._

"_I know," he said in a lighter, happier tone. "I just love the smell of rain."_

_As if on cue, thunder began to clap around them, and the drops that were once speckled were now beginning to fall harder._

"_Oh my god," Rachel said. "Finn, I do not want to be soaked walking across that stage. We need to go inside, NOW."_

"_Okay, okay."_

_But it was too late, and the clouds opened up around them as they started to head towards the gymnasium._

"_CRAP!" Rachel yelled. Finn laughed at her word choice. Rachel always said it was a "dirty, gross" word. He looked at her as she held her hands over her head, her hair already starting to frizz at the moisture. She was going to kill him later, he was sure of it._

_But he didn't care._

_Finn grabbed her wrist, stopping her again. The rain continued to fall._

"_Finn! Are you out of your mind? We need to get—"_

_Finn stopped her yelling with his lips. He half expected her to pull away, but he smiled into their kiss when he felt her return his gesture. He kissed her vigorously, deepening the kiss, imploring her to do the same. She happily obliged. He tasted like rain. _

_They stood there, lost in each other's lips for a moment, and by the time they pulled apart, both of them were mildly soaked._

"_Okay," Finn smiled. "We can go inside now."_

"_I hate you," Rachel said stubbornly. She shoved him and then gave him a smile as they hustled towards the gym. "I'm going to end this relationship on the sheer fact that I am now soaked for my own graduation." _

_As they entered the building, they shook off as much water as they could. The majority of their class was already beginning to line up. Rachel tousled her hair in an attempt to salvage it as she turned towards her boyfriend._

"_See you after," she said with a quick kiss._

"_Hey, Rachel," Finn said, grabbing her wrist before parting. There was a playful spark in his eye. "I know you wanna break up with me and all, but just know that I plan on marrying you."_

_Rachel gasped, her mouth agape in reaction to his declaration. The room became just a hushed buzz around her._

"_STUDENTS! EVERYONE LINE UP!" She faintly heard an adult yell. She closed her mouth, and a twinkle appeared in her eyes._

"_As long as you don't name our kid Drizzle," she said with a wink. _

_Finn feigned a look of disappointment, and she disappeared to line up with the rest of the B's, no longer caring that she was wet. She smelled like rain._

. . .

Rachel snapped out of her reverie at the sound of "Defying Gravity". She fished her phone out of her pocket as she walked into the theater, dodging the steady drizzle outside.

She looked down at the caller ID, and stopped dead. Her pulse quickened at the irony. Before she had a chance to gather her thoughts, her fingers acted for her, pressing the green answer button. She lifted the phone to her ear.

"Finn?"

* * *

_;)_

_Please please keep reviewing! And thank you so much for reading! Sorry about the cliffhanger and then dashing for the week! (muwahaha)_

_xoxo_


	16. Reflexes

**I'm baaaaack!**

_Sorry I've been gone for a few days! But I'm back with a longer update, so hopefully that makes up for it. WARNING, there's a bit of heavy language (more so than my other chapters), so just thought I'd give you all a heads up :)_

_I was having a hard time writing this chapter, so sorry if that shows! Also, for those of you asking about the Finn/Rachel news and who haven't heard...there's been some spoilers leaked from RM and Falchuk about the couple next season. Google it! (I don't wanna spoil those who don't wanna know!)_

_DISCLAIMER: I don't own Glee or the characters, etc etc. If I did, I'd steal Quinn's wardrobe. Which I think I've stated before._

_

* * *

_**CHAPTER 16: Reflexes**

"Dude, why are you bringing me to a gay bar?"

"It's not a gay bar, ass," Finn retorted. "Will you just shut up and come inside? I didn't drive all the way out here for you to whine."

"I just don't see why we couldn't have gone to a bar in Lima," Puck said, rolling his eyes at his best friend.

"Because," Finn said. He was already reluctant in bringing Puck, and his reaction wasn't consoling him any. "I come here every Thursday. And you wanted to get wasted for happy hour, so we're compromising."

Finn pushed open the small door and tried to ignore the overwhelming sense of emotion he felt as he entered The Red Room. Ever since he brought Rachel here, the place had a different feel. It felt like it was just a reminder of what he had lost. But he still showed up—maybe because any reminder of Rachel was something to hold on to. Or maybe it was just because he was crazy. The verdict was still out as to which one it actually was.

Finn made it a point to sit on the opposite side of where he and Rachel once sat weeks ago. It was once his regular spot. But after that night, he couldn't bring himself to sit there.

He motioned to Merissa, who smiled and walked over to his table and took their orders. She was back moments later with their drinks. This time, instead of his usual bottle, Finn switched to straight whiskey. He wasn't up for the lull buzz of a beer.

Finn took several generous sips out of his glass as Puck eyed him curiously.

"So, I take it you haven't talked to Berry since some other dude answered the phone?" Puck asked. There was no beating around the bush with him.

"Nope," Finn responded tersely.

"Well, time to move on then."

Finn stared at him as he polished off his glass. Not saying anything to him, Finn signaled Merissa for another drink.

After a minute, the waitress brought his second round to the table. As she dropped it off with a friendly smile, she looked at Finn.

"Are you playing today?"

Finn looked at her and mulled over the thought for a minute. He hadn't sang since he was here with Rachel. After a moment of thinking, he looked up at her and said "Yeah, why not."

"You've got to be kidding me," Puck said. "You really are a pansy, you know that?"

Finn chugged part of his second glass of whiskey, the liquid burning from his throat all the way to his belly. He felt the alcohol invade every cell of his body a moment later.

"I don't care anymore," Finn responded, stumbling through the sudden numbness of his lips and tongue. He polished off the glass and stood up to head towards the stage. Finn stopped to turn towards Puck before making his way to the front.

"Order me another one, would you?"

. . .

"You are such a GIRL, Hudson. Singing about your feelings and shit. That was about the fruitiest song you could have picked."

Finn dropped down heavily in his seat and took a heavy sip of his third drink. Puck was probably right. Finn didn't really know what to sing, so he chose something that matched his mood. Without thinking once he got up on stage, mostly due to being under the influence, Finn picked up the guitar and played the opening chords to "Dreaming With a Broken Heart" by John Mayer. The rest of the performance went by in a buzzed haze. With every word he sang, he only saw Rachel.

"Okay, now that you've gotten that out of your system, can we PLEASE move on? Like to that fine waitress…"

"Is every girl just a piece of ass to you?"

"Yeah pretty much. Rachel was."

Finn gave him a warning glance.

"Dude, will you please snap out of it? Next thing you'll be doing is calling Rachel up and begging her to take you back like a girl-wuss. She's with another man! MOVE ON."

The lethargy of the alcohol was beginning to heavily settle in on Finn as he listened intently to Puck's scenario. When he didn't respond, Puck sighed and excused himself, presumably to go hit on Merissa. When he was out of eye and ear-shot, Finn slipped outside into the fresh air. He fished around clumsily for his phone…

. . .

The sound of her voice was like a sonic boom to his ear drum. He never expected her to answer, especially if she realized that it was him who was calling…

Finn wiped his sweaty palms on the legs of his jeans as he cradled the phone between his ear and his shoulder.

"Uh, hey," he said nervously. Normally he would have smacked himself internally for not being more suave, but his reflexes were a little off kilter.

"What's wrong? Is everything okay?" Her voice was tense and alarmed on the other end of the line.

"Everything's grea…fine," Finn slurred slightly. He could hear Rachel's breath deflate on the other end of the line as he continued. "I just wanted to talk to you…"

"Okay…" Rachel trailed. "About what?"

"Anything…everything…" Finn stumbled, trying to put the words together. Truthfully he had just wanted to hear her voice, and he knew that it was probably a bad idea to call her now. He knew Puck wasn't being literal. But Puck wasn't here now. He recognized that his feelings were way out of line, even though Rachel's wrong-doings were just as prevalent in the whole situation. But calling her now was reckless, especially when she was clearly seeing someone else…

The thought made his temperature rise once again, and he blurted out the question impulsively before he could stop himself.

"Okay…" Rachel said again, clearly confused.

"Are you seeing someone?" He demanded.

Rachel was silent for a heartbeat. Finn regretted the words as soon as he spoke them. He stared straight ahead, noticing that the sun was almost set and there was a slight chill in the air. It felt good on his flushed face.

"Ex…excuse me?"

"You heard me," Finn stuttered. "Some guy answered the phone when I called on the phone the other day…"

"Finn, are you slurring your words? Have you been drinking?"

_Shit _Finn thought to himself. He tried to remain composed.

"No," he said defiantly.

"Don't lie to me," Rachel demanded.

"Answer the question."

Finn felt the air become rigid and he immediately regretted calling her. But it was such an indulgence. Even if it meant he had to argue with her…

"I don't have to answer anything to you," Rachel said stubbornly. "Particularly when you're intoxicated before it's even seven o'clock."

"Puck and I went to happy hour at The Red Room," Finn said, knowing that the information was irrelevant overall to the conversation.

"Of course you did," Rachel muttered under her breath.

"Why are you avoiding my question?" Finn asked sternly.

"Because I don't owe you an answer," Rachel said.

"So that's a yes then?" Finn asked. He felt the ground shift slightly beneath him.

Rachel paused for a moment, and he thought that he could hear her sigh heavily on the other end.

"Well?" He demanded.

"Recently," He heard her begin angrily. "Jesse and I have reconnected and we've been getting together. But I don't see how that is really any of your business."

Finn stopped cold.

"You've got to be fucking kidding me, Rachel."

Finn felt every cell in his body turn into a live wire, not caring that his language probably made her uncomfortable. His head was spinning uncontrollably and he began to shake in anger. He didn't hear the door to the bar open in the distance.

"Please tell me you're joking!" He shouted. "After everything that ASS did to you, you're seeing him again? Is this some kind of sick revenge…?"

"Excuse me!" Rachel shouted back angrily through the phone. She adjusted the volume of her voice as she continued. "I never said we were together. Not that it's any of your business! You don't get to have an opinion here! You were the one that made the choice to get the divorce, and you were the one who made the choice to banish me like I was nothing. It's not up to you how I fix what YOU broke."

"DAMMIT RACHEL," Finn cursed. "Don't you get it? Stop being so stubborn and stop overreacting…I don't want th—"

He heard her breath heavily on the other line, and before he had a chance to continue further, he felt the phone release from his hands as someone took it from him. He turned around, ready to sucker punch Puck, but Puck was too quick for Finn's much slower reflexes and he ducked out of the way. Finn's fist made contact with the brick wall behind him instead.

There was a loud crack followed by a yelp from Finn.

"Jesus," Puck cursed. "You're a huge idiot, you know that?"

Finn bent over, cradling his hand, wincing in pain. His blood still boiled in rage as he let out every curse word he knew.

"Get in the car," Puck said ushering him towards the vehicle. "We'll probably have to go to the hospital. God, you're such a dipshit."

"What the hell!" Finn cursed, but Puck pushed him into the passenger side of the car and closed the door before Finn could say any more. It was then that Puck noticed he was still holding his phone, and the call was still connected.

"Berry?" Puck said, lifting the phone to his ear. "I should have known it was you. What the hell did you say to him now?"

Rachel ignored his question.

"What happened?" She shouted.

"What happened is Finn is an emotional girl when he gets wasted and does shit like call you when he shouldn't, and then tries to fight a monster like me when he knows he shouldn't."

"Did you hurt him?" Rachel yelled. Puck let out an exasperated sigh.

"No, Barbara," Puck said venomously. "He missed and punched the wall."

"Did he break his hand? Are you going to the hospital? God, the two of you are so irresponsible, I swear…"

"Cool your jets. I'll get him there. Besides, what do you care?"

"What?" Rachel said, interrupted from her quiet tangent. "Of course I care."

"Could've fooled me," Puck said. "You knew what it would do to him if you left again but you did it anyways."

Rachel was silent.

"So what'd you say to make him so mad?"

"Shouldn't you be on your way to the hospital, Puckerman?"

Puck sighed and got into the car and started the ignition. Finn lay in the front seat, cradling his hand, which was now the size of a baseball glove.

"Whatever," Puck said into the phone. "I'm tired of this soap opera. We're going now, so don't have a heart attack or something. It's just his hand, he can man up and be fine."

"Can you call me when you're done please? Just so I know he's okay?" Rachel said in a soft voice. Puck didn't say anything for a second as he began to drive.

"Why? I don't even like you."

"Please?" Rachel pleaded quietly after a moment.

"Fine," Puck said, no longer having the energy to combat their saga. Finn groaned from his seat.

"Noah?" Rachel said. Puck grunted. He hated when anyone called him that, especially her.

"What?"

"Take care of him for me," Rachel said softly, before hanging up.

* * *

_Awwww, poor Finny._

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_Thanks so much for reading!_

_xoxo_


	17. Convictions

**Ackkk!**

_I'm so sorry that it's been so long. I've been working and in the process of moving. But I'll try to be more prompt! Anyways, we're getting to the end-ish. Only a few more chapters to go. Which makes me sad, actually! I loved writing this story for you all. Your amazing reviews have kept me going!_

_Anyways, on with the chapter!_

_DISCLAIMER: I don't own Glee, the characters, etc etc. If I did, Finn would have a solo in every single episode. :P_

_

* * *

_**CHAPTER 17: Convictions**

Finn slammed the front door with his good hand as he entered the house. He had been at the hospital for several hours, and it was now looming near midnight. Looking down at his wrapped right hand, he cursed to himself under his breath. Puck was such an ass.

Thankfully, and miraculously, he had only fractured his knuckles. But doing any task was almost impossible. As Finn made his way to the bedroom to change his clothes and brush his teeth, every motion made him wince in pain. But it didn't matter. The pain he felt in his heart was far, far worse.

Rachel was moving on. And not just to any other guy. To Jesse St. Jackass.

Finn fought the surplus of flashbacks that fought to make their way to a prominent part of his memory. The way he felt when she was with him in high school…the way he broke her heart… had she really forgotten everything he had done to her?

He was scum. Lower than scum.

Finn grunted in anger. Was she doing this just to hurt him?

Finn furrowed his brow as he clumsily brushed his teeth. He rehashed their phone conversation for the umpteenth time, trying to pick apart the apathy he somewhat detected in her voice. Or maybe it was just wishful thinking. Maybe she didn't think they belonged together after all.

Spitting out his toothpaste, he thought about the way they treated each other over the last year. It was so unlike them to be so hateful, when they had always been so full of love. Sure, they had their fights, but nothing like what they had recently gone through. And one of them always ended up apologizing, usually him. And when he did, Rachel's sweet brown eyes would soften, and she's reach up to stroke his hair, and they would be better…

As he crawled into bed, Finn's thoughts turned to their unborn baby, the child he never got to meet. His heart began to freeze, and his usual impulse mechanism of blocking out the thoughts began to kick in. Usually he'd succumb to this action, trying desperately to forget about their loss, but for the first time since the incident, he let himself begin to _feel_ everything.

He thought about taking walks with Rachel with the baby in the stroller, taking turns cradling her when she cried, spoiling her rotten. He thought of all the plans they had for the baby's future. Names, schools, even professions. He thought about how passionately Rachel talked about her, about how she just knew she would "possess impeccable talent", as Rachel said it. He thought about how he had hoped that she would inherit more from Rachel than from him…her brains, her talent, her beauty.

Finn lay in bed and thought everything he could about his daughter—the second daughter he had lost in his life—and a lump formed intensely in throat. He now understood the pain that Rachel carried with her every day. Until that point, he only understood the process of grieving; he never really felt it.

Becoming angry with himself, he began to realize the severity of their situation…and how badly he had screwed up. Somewhere along the way, he became stubborn instead of sad, and Rachel remained sad instead of strong.

Angry with his idiocy, he fought back tears that threatened to spill onto his cheeks and drifted off into a hazy sleep instead.

. . .

"Hey, it's Puck."

Rachel's body became tense with emotion.

"How is he?"

"He's fine, just a couple of fractured knuckles. He's such a wuss."

"God, the two of you are so reckless and negligent!" Rachel berated as she paced back and forth in her dark living room. In the night that existed outside, she could hear several car horns. It was just nearing 12:30 in the morning, and the city was still exploding with life. "I don't understand how you can just go frolic out whenever you want and get entirely inebriated. Do you understand what you're doing to your bodies? It's appalling—"

"Woah cool your jets, Berry. I've never seen Finn get this piss-drunk until YOU left town. If we want to lay the blame here, you should be looking at the reflection in the mirror."

Rachel's mouth closed shut, her breath catching in her throat.

"So if we wanna continue with the name calling," Puck continued after a moment, "I have a few choice words for you…"

"Listen to me, Puckerman," Rachel snapped. "I may have steered off a path in my relationship with Finn, but he's just as wrong in this situation too. I did what was best for me—"

"He told me you're dating Jesse," Puck said, "doesn't sound like you're doing something good there."

"That is none of your business."

"It's my business when my dipshit best friend tries to punch me in the face because he's angry about it. Does that buttwipe even know that you're still technically married until next week?"

Rachel grew silent again, sighing to herself. A hole began to form in the pit of her stomach and she absently rubbed her abdomen in an attempt at comfort.

"Noah," she began quietly. "I'm not really seeing Jesse. I mean, yeah we've been seeing each other socially but I'm not dating him. I'm just lonely in New York."

"You don't have to be."

Rachel's eyes began to swim with tears.

"Too much has happened," she said.

"That's crap. It doesn't really matter. And not like I really care to get involved in the romantic throws of him and you, especially because I don't particularly like you, but you're both being idiots."

Rachel sighed. She wasn't expecting this conversation to go the way that it was. She wasn't really anticipating having a conversation with Puck at all. Who knew he had more emotional depth than a 6 inch puddle of water?

"I don't want to talk about this with you."

"Okay good. Fine," Puck said. "You two either need to fix it and be together or maintain this until it's over. Either way, if he throws a punch at me again, his knuckles won't be the only thing that's near-broken. Bye, Rachel."

Rachel heard the click of the phone disconnecting. She wandered into her bedroom, her brain in a haze. She sat down on the edge of it, lost entirely in her own contemplation.

Outside her window she could see the city lights twinkle way off in the distance. She focused on the area of where Times Square was. She remembered how much she desired to stand in the middle of it all. She thought about the first night she moved to New York all those months ago…after crying all day, she finally brought herself to go on a walk. She found herself standing in the center of Times Square, soaking in every neon light that flickered around and above her. She loved it. She felt a sense of belonging, and the only thing that would have made the moment better was if Finn was standing there with her.

Rachel stared longingly at the night that subsisted outside of her confined studio apartment. She was in a city full of people—the city that never slept. So why, without Finn, did she feel so hopelessly alone?

She knew why, of course.

She gently rubbed her empty lower belly again and made her way into her bathroom. She opened her medicine cabinet and peered inside. The first two things that she saw, the ones she was looking for, were ironically lying side-by-side. She grabbed the small compact first. Rachel opened it, and noticed that she hadn't taken any of the small pills in days. Not that she really needed it. She wouldn't be committing _that _act for a long time. It was special and specific to one person only, and until she was ready to move on from him, she couldn't face even coming close to thinking about it. With a quick toss, she chucked the pack into the trash can beside her with a loud thump.

The next item she was going for was harder to pick up. Her fingertips felt like fire when she touched it, and it was associated with every good and bad memory she had with him…

Delicately, Rachel lifted the small, silver, diamond encrusted band from its counter. She turned it around in her fingers, examining every sparkling inch of it. She hadn't taken it off until she returned to New York this last time. But she couldn't bring herself to do anything with it. She stared down at her now-bare left ring finger, and not knowing why, she slipped the jewelry back on. She suddenly felt a smidge less lonely.

Rachel closed the cabinet shut with a surge of conviction. She didn't want to be lonesome anymore. She looked at her reflection in the mirror, tired and somewhat-haggard, and thought about Puck's words again. _"You don't have to be…"_

Looking away from the mirror, she stormed across her bedroom in lieu of her phone. The green light from her alarm clock told her that it was now almost 1 am. There was a chance he'd still be awake, especially if Puck called her straight-away like he had promised.

Before she could lose her nerve any more, she dialed Finn's number.

* * *

_Ahhh, another cliffhanger! Sorrrrry. ;)_

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_xoxo_


	18. Different pages

**Boooo!**

_Oh my gosh, I am so so so so very sorry it's been a while since my last update. It's been really crazy with moving, and then this week I came down with a wicked cold. What the heck! Who gets sick in the summer? It felt SO WRONG._

_Anyways, I wrote you all an extra long chapter to hopefully make up for it. Thanks so much for reading! We're almost to the end!_

_DISCLAIMER: I don't own Glee or the characters, etc. etc._

_

* * *

_**CHAPTER 18: Different pages**

Finn heard his phone go off in the remoteness of the dark bedroom. He had been in a state of half-sleep and he was irritated by the sudden disturbance. Especially because he knew it was probably Puck, ready to let him have it once again—something Finn was too exhausted and in no mood for.

He let the phone vibrate excessively and allowed the call go to his voicemail. There was a small lull of silence, and after a long moment his phone buzzed again, signaling he had a message. Finn rolled over haphazardly, turning his back to the device.

He'd deal with Puck—and the rest of his life—tomorrow.

. . .

Rachel paced the smooth wooden floor of her small bedroom. A million thoughts were flashing in her mind. She felt as though each thing she wanted to say to him would appear brightly before her, but then fade away like a firefly in the deep hue of a summer's night. Just as she was about to catch onto one thought that she wanted to convey to him, it would disappear.

However, as the phone continued to ring, Rachel worried she wouldn't get the chance to tell Finn any of the things that were making their way to the forefront of her mind.

By the third ring, she knew that he wasn't going to pick up. She wasn't sure if it was because he was sleeping or if it was because he was ignoring her. She prayed that it was the former rather than the latter.

"Hey, you've reached Finn Hudson…"

Rachel's breath hitched in her throat at the sound of his voice. The blood in her veins turned to ice, and her confidence began to falter at the realization that she had no pertinent conversation in mind. She had just wanted to talk to him.

Absently she twirled the silver band she had just replaced on her finger. Rachel heard the beep, signaling it was time for her to speak, and her throat became desiccated.

"Uh, hi, Finn," Rachel stuttered. "It's me, Rachel. I don't know if you're sleeping or if you're just ignoring this call, but I really just wanted to talk to you…"

She trailed for a moment, realizing how ridiculous her plea sounded. All this back and forth between the two of them was not only confusing but childish. Were they ever going to be on the same page?

"So, I guess just return my call when you receive this," she continued. "Or don't, if you don't want to speak with me. But I just…I'd really like to resolve our last conversation. I need to explain some things to you. There's something that you need to hear. Okay, bye."

Rachel hung up her phone and tossed it onto her bed quickly like it was plagued with disease. She couldn't believe she had just rambled like that. She hadn't talked in that sort of fashion since high school. She sounded like a love-sick moron.

Letting out a frustrated groan, Rachel resolved that worrying wasn't going to do her any good. It hadn't been doing anything for her performances in rehearsals recently, that was for certain. Rachel often found herself daydreaming of Finn, feeling sick to her stomach at the shambles her life had become. And while she was persevering in every way in order to pick up the pieces, she often caught herself not putting forth one-hundred and ten percent into everything she did, and that included her role as Cosette.

Rachel needed to remain focused and healthy so she could deliver the best possible act in every show. This was her career, after all. And while Rachel knew relationships were important, she needed to put the relationship with herself about all else…and the thought of doing poorly when this show was her big shot was something Rachel Berry was not about to stand for. The antics had gone on long enough. Furrowing her brow in thought, Rachel flopped down on her oversized bed in the least delicate way. She didn't know how she shifted into this person she had become. The person she practiced to be was headstrong and goal driven. She didn't let others dictate her happiness.

But, Rachel thought dejectedly, that was before she fell in love.

. . .

For the second time in a month, Finn was running late for work.

Convinced that his second tardiness would be the nail in the coffin known as his potential promotion, he launched himself out of bed. Although he wasn't as late as the previous time, he knew the traffic on the interstate would be a nightmare if he didn't leave within the next five minutes.

Shuffling clumsily around in his closet, Finn found a tie he hadn't worn in a while and a clean dress shirt and slacks. If Rachel were here, _his Rachel, _she would have kindly helped him while adding a small snark about his irresponsibility for running late. It probably would have made him irritated, but to make up for it, she'd give him a small, sweet kiss and tell him she'd be waiting for him when he got home.

As he quickly exited the house, he noted the overturned picture on the end table as he grabbed his keys. His heart became sick with anger when he remembered why he was now nursing a fractured hand. However, unsure of why he did it, as Finn grabbed his keys, he set the picture back up in it's rightful place and exited through the front door.

Locking the door became an impossible task, and he could only imagine how balancing the steering wheel in the car would be. He still had the use of his finger tips, but the rest of his hand seemed only to be a dead weight. He'd have to only use it to hold the wheel while he maneuvered streets with his left hand.

After getting the lock to click, Finn turned to rush out to the car. As he stepped towards the outdoors, the smell of rain permeated his nostrils. He noticed that a steady rainfall had begun since he had woken up. He fought back his engorged Adam's apple and swallowed at the memories that threatened to enter the forefront of his brain. Stepping out into the precipitation, Finn rushed hurriedly to his car.

Fumbling with the remote, Finn felt the umbrella that was open and propped under his arm begin to wobble. Why was he struggling so much with just two things…?

The answer came in the sound of a plop as Finn heard something drop and fall to the wet ground. Finn heard the crack, and his stomach plummeted at the realization of what it was. Cursing aloud, Finn bent over to pick up his now wet and broken iPhone…the second one his company had to pay for in the last month.

"Dammit," Finn muttered as he picked up the pieces. Climbing into the car and haphazardly throwing his belonging in the passenger seat, Finn stared down at his phone. He attempted to put the battery back and push the parts together, but the now-red watermark told him it was beyond repair. His boss was not only going to love the fact that he was late, but that he yet again needed another phone.

_Great. _Finn thought. There went his promotion.

Starting the car and putting it in reverse, Finn shook his head in disbelief. He never thought his life would be such a mess.

Going over the things he had to do in his mind, Finn wondered when he'd get another phone. The office would have to order him one, most likely. Usually by the time he finished up at work, most cell places were closed. Aside from the fact that he needed one by the end of next week for his final divorce conference call, Finn honestly didn't care when he got a new phone.

It's not like anyone he desperately wanted to hear from called him anyways. At least, not anymore.

. . .

The next morning Rachel busied herself with the copious amount of tasks she needed to complete. First she had to go to the store because she was helplessly out of everything. Then, since she avoided going to the Laundromat for two weeks, she decided she had pushed it off for as long as possible and took her laundry to get done. Then, after her errands, was another tiresome day of rehearsals.

As Rachel paid the cab driver after dropping her off (she was in no mood for a dirty subway today), she smiled to herself at her productivity. She walked somewhat airily into rehearsals, excited to finally deliver a flawless performance. It was only when they were partially through the second act and taking a 5 minute break that she took note of the time.

"What's wrong sweetie?" Her acting coach asked her when her features twisted slightly when she realized it was after 7. She picked up her phone and noted that it had no messages or missed calls.

"Oh, nothing," Rachel responded. "I'm just expecting a phone call."

Rachel twitched slightly as the director loudly called the performers to their places. Rachel hurried over to stage left, waiting for her cue. She shut her brain off to the outside world, throwing herself entirely into character.

. . .

Dumping her dishes into the sink, Rachel made her way to the bathroom to get ready to go to sleep. After changing into her nightgown, brushing her hair and her teeth, Rachel paced her bedroom and noted the time. It was 11 pm.

It had now been five days and Rachel still hadn't heard from Finn.

It worried Rachel at first, but she knew that he wasn't hurt and that he was safe. They had another conference with the lawyers, and it was stated that Finn was present the day before to sign new agreements. So why wasn't he calling her back?

It was ludicrous. It hurt Rachel that he was choosing to ignore her instead of calling her back. Wasn't he just proclaiming to her a few weeks ago that he was still in love with her? Did he change his mind that fast?

Rachel sighed and crawled lethargically into bed. She felt hollow, and the events of their marriage in the past year began to come to the front of her mind in a series of images.

The problem with them wasn't in the events themselves, Rachel decided, it was that they were never on the same page.

It stemmed all the way back to high school. Rachel felt that she was always more into their relationship than he was, and now, eight years later, she wasn't feeling any different. They loved each other, Rachel was sure of that, but were they ever on the same level? Rachel began to question it. And in the past year alone, they had gone back and forth…Rachel left, Finn filed for divorce, he claimed he loved her, then he hurt her all over again. Now she wanted him back, and he once again, obviously wanted nothing to do with her.

If Rachel was being honest with herself, she knew that she had gone back to Lima to see if things were still there between them more than she was there for their ridiculous divorce. Even after the baby, after the arguments…Rachel still loved him. Very, very much.

Shifting determinedly, Rachel decided to put matters into her own hands instead of waiting around. Rachel picked up her phone and scrolled to Finn's number in her phone book. She stared at it for a moment before pressing "dial" for the second time in a week.

The phone rang several times, and Rachel felt her heart squeeze tightly in her small chest.

"Hello?"

The voice was smooth and light, and like a splash of arctic water against Rachel's body. It was a woman's voice.

"Sorry," Rachel stuttered in utter shock.

Before she had the chance to say anything else, Rachel's hands reacted for her, hanging up the phone. She threw the device as far away from her on the bed as possible. It was like fire in her tiny hands.

She tried to get herself to calm down, and she told herself that she had the wrong number. But her instincts began to creep in behind her. She knew it was the right number. She'd had it in her phone for years.

Rachel's eyes became wide as saucers, tears filling up in them abundantly. He was with another woman. Whether it was a friend, a date, or something more, she'd never know. Her insides surged with jealousy.

Rachel wanted nothing more than to fling herself into her pillows and cry. She knew it was a foolish and impulsive move to call him. She was always impulsive with Finn. Once upon a time it used to be a good thing, but now it only brought her pain. Thick, crocodile tears made their way down Rachel's cheeks, leaving salty trails as they fell. She heard herself let out a small gasp to catch her breath.

Inhaling deeply, she fought to stave off the wave of sobs that desperately tried to wrack her body. Instead, she used the calming mechanism her therapist taught her as she began to rationally think through things. Sure, they had all these feelings, but what did that really mean? Rachel always wanted everything too much. But that didn't mean she did anything about it. After all, neither of them were working to stop the divorce from happening…especially now.

Finn was moving on. It was apparent.

Painstakingly, Rachel looked down at the silver band that was adorned on her left ring finger. Her finger trembling slightly, she reached down and removed it.

Rachel held it between her fingers to a moment to examine it. It sparkled in the dim lighting of her bedroom.

It was inevitable. It was time for Rachel to move on too.

Wiping away her tears, Rachel bit her lip in remorse. They had had their chance.

Rachel delicately placed the ring on her nightstand next to the bed, which is where it would remain until the papers were officially signed.

* * *

_Gaaaaaaah, believe it or not, we're very close to the end!_

_I love you all so much and your reviews! PLEASE keep reviewing! Thanks!_

_xoxo_


	19. A new life

**It's all coming to an end!**

_Although it doesn't seem like it, the story is ending soon!_

_It makes me sad, but I have loved writing this story and reading all your wonderful reviews. So thank you, sincerely. I really appreciate it :'). There's a lot to close up, so I haven't decided if the next chapter will be the final one or not, but either way, there is only one or two more left before the epilogue. Craziness! In the mean time, enjoy this next chapter._

_DISCLAIMER: I don't own Glee, etc etc etc lalala..._

_

* * *

_**CHAPTER 19: A new life**

As the weeks went by, Rachel once again threw herself into her work.

Opening night was rapidly approaching and Rachel was constantly training and focusing on making herself better. This was her career, and it needed to perfectly carved and crafted. If she blew her big break, she would never forgive herself.

After the painful attempt at trying to speak with Finn, Rachel worked actively to forget about that aspect of her life. She went out with friends. She went to her voice and acting lessons. She read in Central Park on her days off. Rachel made sure to live the life she always desired living, and she tried to ignore the fact that the person she wanted to live it with was back in Ohio apparently with someone else.

This was her life now, and she decided that it was time to start living it.

. . .

"So, you're not going to even call Rachel to tell her that you got a new phone number?" Puck asked inquisitively. Finn looked hesitantly at his friend as he used his left hand to bring his glass of coke to his lips. He was lying off the alcohol for a long time.

"No," Finn grumbled. "She's obviously made her choice."

"What if she tries calling you or something in a dramatic twist," Puck hypothesized. "You know she's good at those."

Finn shrugged sadly.

"She won't," he said. "She's done with our marriage."

Puck grunted.

"Okay, look I thought you'd be over this chick by now, but—"

"THIS CHICK?" Finn snapped. "That 'chick' so happened to be my wife. It's not something you can just get over quickly."

Puck stopped his train of thought for a moment to digress.

"You got over Quinn and the baby pretty fast back in high school."

Finn shot his friend a look, daggers darting out of his eyes.

"Okay, fine. But there's something you should know about Berry then."

"What?" Finn asked curiously, staring at Puck with sharp vision.

"She's not dating St. Douche," Puck said. "I wasn't going to tell you because obviously the world is against your union, but seeing as you're still walking around like a beaten puppy, maybe this will help or something."

Finn twisted his eyebrows in confusion as the adrenaline began pumping through his veins at Puck's confession.

"How do you know this?" Finn asked tersely. "You better not be screwing around with me."

"She told me on the phone the night you tried to attack me with your fist."

Finn stared at his friend for another long moment before speaking again.

"Why would she tell you that and not tell me?"

"Oh I know the precise reason why. And then after she explained the inner-workings of a chick's mind, we went to tea and talked about fruity musicals," Puck spat, taking a gulp of his beer. "I don't know why she told me. She just did."

Finn stared at his friend intently.

"You're sure about this?"

"Yeah dude," Puck said. "That's what she said. But why does it matter now?"

"Because the papers are being signed next week. Nothing's official yet. Maybe there's still a chance…"

"Do you really believe that, dude?"

Finn stared down at his injured hand.

"I don't know. Maybe."

"Maybe it's time to just finally move the hell on," Puck said. "What's so special about this girl?"

Finn was quiet for a moment as he continued to stare down at the table. He shrugged.

"Everything," he said simply.

. . .

Rachel bumbled home from her last day of regular rehearsals in a seemingly good mood. Everything went without a hitch and they were set to begin performing in just about a week after dress rehearsals.

As she neared her apartment building, Rachel thought about the prospect of moving once Le Mis was over. Although she had grown fond of her cramped living space, she couldn't wait to be able to afford the extra breathing room.

Rachel snapped out of her train of thought at the sound of her phone. She paused her walking in order to fish it out of her bag. Noticing it was John, her co-star who was playing opposite her as Marius, she answered it with an eager and chipper hello.

"What are you up to?" He asked.

"Not a lot," Rachel responded as she began finishing her walk towards her building. "Just arriving home from rehearsal now."

"That took a while," John joked. "I've been home for at least ten minutes."

"Well not all of us get to live on the upper-west side," Rachel laughed, ignoring the envy that she carried inside her. Aside from his performing life, her co-star led a quiet life with his wife in an apartment near Central Park. In the last few weeks, Rachel found it was one of the few havens she enjoyed visiting to cure her loneliness in New York.

"Yeah, yeah," he dismissed her, continuing her conversation. "Speaking of my fabulous home," he joked, "Carrie and I wanted to know if you wanted to come over for dinner tonight."

Rachel smiled at the invitation as she made a detour through the lobby to her mailbox. She twisted the combination dial, popping open the small door.

"Sure, I'd love to," Rachel said.

Rachel stopped for a moment as she peered at her mail. There waiting for her was a thick, manila envelope. Her heart began to speed up at the sight of it, knowing exactly what the parcel was.

Pulling it out, Rachel barely heard what John began explaining to her on the phone. She stood in the aisle-way of the cramped mailroom as she tore open the envelope. Inside were instructions that Rachel skimmed through. She was more interested in the file behind it.

She flipped open the cover, noting the tabs of where she was to sign. A blank line awaited her next to the words "Signature of Wife". Rachel felt her breath catch in the hollow of her dry throat.

"Hello, earth to Cosette," she heard John signal to her on the other line. "Did I lose you, Rach?"

"Did I ever tell you that I was married?" Rachel blurted, still staring shockingly down at the papers. She couldn't believe that she was holding them. It made everything so unbelievably real.

"What?" She heard him ask, stunned at her sudden confession.

"Yeah," she continued softly, shutting her mailbox. Still in a trance, staring at the papers, she began to make her way upstairs. "Well, not was. Still am. Until these papers that just arrived in my hands are signed…"

"You're getting a divorce?" John asked incredulously. "Why didn't you tell me? Why didn't you even tell me you were married?"

Rachel entered her apartment and sat down lethargically on her couch. She continued to look at the file.

"I don't know," she admitted. "Because I don't like talking about my failures, I guess."

"Mistake marriage, huh?" John assumed. She could hear him shuffling on the other end, presumably helping his wife prepare dinner. "Irrationally rushed into things?"

"No, no," Rachel corrected him. "It wasn't a mistake and it wasn't irrational. It was very real…"

John was quiet for a moment on the other line.

"So, what happened?"

Rachel was quiet for a moment as she replayed everything from the past year in her mind. A lump made its way into her chest and she worked to fight back the emotion.

"Life happened," Rachel responded. She set the papers down on the table.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

Rachel cleared her throat.

"No, no that's okay," she said, brushing him off. "I'm um, I'm just going to get changed and freshen up a bit and I'll be over at your place in about an hour for dinner. Thank Carrie for the invite. I'll see you soon."

Rachel quickly hung up before her friend could say anymore. She felt her eyes fall back down to the document in front of her and she felt a heavy weight begin to press down on her body.

This was it.

Rachel shuffled around looking for a pen, incredulous that all of this was actually happening. When all she could find was a hot pink one, Rachel groaned in frustration. Was it a sign?

Diverting her attention for a moment, she ran to her bathroom to get ready for dinner, all the while contemplating her task at hand. It was in her control. The divorce was real, it was happening. After the years they had spent together, the mountains they climbed…and the one they couldn't climb…the day that it all ended was here. Rachel wasn't sure if she should cry or shut down. She felt like doing neither.

After freshening up and changing her clothes, Rachel rushed out of the bathroom. She gathered her things in a hurry, and when she went to retrieve her cell phone, she stared at the papers on the table. With one quick surge of bravery, Rachel grabbed them and exited her apartment.

As she made her way to the lobby, Rachel felt numb at the chore she was about to complete. She walked over to the front desk and asked the tenant if she could borrow a black-inked pen.

Rachel flipped open to the last page where she was supposed to sign, and stared at the blank line for a moment. As she lifted her right hand, pen poised, her fingers began to tremble.

Taking a deep breath, Rachel knew she couldn't prolong it any longer. Tears forming at the corners of her eyes, she subtly rubbed her lower belly, for it was her unborn daughter that concerned her the most at this very moment. She knew she was letting herself down, but Rachel couldn't help but think of her child in this moment as well.

"I'm sorry," she whispered, a tear gently falling onto her cheek.

Rachel quickly signed her name and threw the pen away from her like it was poisoned. Without hesitation, she stuffed the papers in the envelope, resealing it and hastily made her way to the mailbox. She dropped the return envelope in the slot before she had a chance to stop herself.

It was her new life, she told herself. Finn was the one who wanted this in the first place. It was time to start living again.

"Goodbye," Rachel muttered quietly, wiping away the condensation on her cheeks. She turned her heel away from the mailbox and exited the building, fighting the urge to run back upstairs to hide and cry.

* * *

_Awww, ahhh._

_Like I mentioned, we're getting to the end! __Unless I decide differently, the next chapter will probably be the last one before the epilogue (it'll be a long chapter!). I thank everyone from the bottom of my heart for reading my story this summer. I really enjoyed writing!_

_Until then, keep reviewing!_

_xoxo_


	20. Home

**The end's not near, it's here!**

_Ah, it's the last chapter! **THERE WILL BE AN EPILOGUE**, so don't forget about this just yet!_

_It's been a pleasure writing this story this summer. I thank each of you from the bottom of my heart (shout out to my circles reading this, too!). Your reviews mean the world to me! This chapter is super long and I hope that it made the whole story worth the wait. Thank you all again for reading!_

_PS: The song Rachel sings is I Never Told You by Colbie Caillat! Read the lyrics. They're so perfect._

_DISCLAIMER: I do not own Glee, etc etc etc..._

_

* * *

_**CHAPTER 20: Home**

The ear-splitting noise of a cheering audience was Rachel's favorite sound in the entire world. She decided that she could live off just that resonance alone.

As she stepped to the center of the stage for her curtain call and was met back by a cheering crowd, Rachel felt something shift within her soul. She finally was beginning to feel whole again—and their response was like air to her. It fueled her fire in the best possible way.

After weeks of practice, Le Mis was finally beginning its run, and their opening night couldn't have gone more smoothly. Rachel had given her performance everything she had.

Letting her long hair, fall freely in front of her face as she bowed, Rachel felt the rush of adrenaline kick into her system with one final surge. It was the happiest she had been in weeks.

The only issue Rachel had with herself was her performance during A Heart Full of Love. She was slightly sharp during the duet, and she knew she'd reprimand herself for it for days afterward. She had never been sharp during a performance in her life. She was far too musically trained to let something like that happen. However, Rachel felt her emotions get the better of her and while she was singing of love and thinking of loss and connecting through her character, Rachel thought of Finn and what could have been.

Had they lead a different life, Rachel knew in her heart that Finn would be sitting in the audience for this show, and maybe even every other one after that. And as she was standing center-stage, bowing at the cheers in front of her, Rachel found herself searching for his face. Her eyes stopped in the center of the room, where she saw someone standing tall. Her heart leaped in her throat at the thought of him being there.

Rachel scoffed at the ridiculous thought. The divorce was settled, the papers were signed, and this was her life now. And despite everything, Rachel knew she was blessed. Finn was officially of her past, no matter how much she secretly longed for it to be different.

As the entire cast bowed for a final time and the lights dimmed, Rachel felt the wishful moment fleet away.

. . .

Finn tuned into the melody of the humming refrigerator in the kitchen as he stared blankly at the packet in front of him. He had been glaring at the stark white parchment for almost an hour, and now the black type on the paper was starting to come together in one giant blur. The only thing that remained clear was the signature that was scribbled in a pressed black ink.

'_Rachel B. Berry-Hudson'_

Finn let a sigh escape his lips as he ran his hands roughly through his short hair. He couldn't believe it. She actually signed the papers. This was really happening.

Finn couldn't believe that with a few strokes of his pen, his marriage would be dissolved forever—and furthermore, he couldn't believe he was the one who had originally initiated it. Sure, they had their issues, but was it really something that couldn't be worked through? After all, they had already been through so much. Finn knew that he'd regret his decision every single day for the rest of his life. But like their story often went, they were on two different pages. She said yes, he said no. He said go, and she said stop. He wasn't sure if they'd ever get it right.

Finn picked up the pen lying on the table beside him and examined it in his large hands. He tried to tell himself that it was like a band-aid. Quick. Sign it and be done. Finn took a deep breath and paused for a moment to wonder if Rachel deliberated as much as he did. He'd like to think so, but truthfully, she probably did it as quick as possible. He creased his brows and opened the cap, ready to sign his name below hers.

But he couldn't do it.

Rubbing his eyes, Finn dropped the pen with a small thud on the table.

He wasn't ready for his marriage to be over. It hardly had even begun. He and Rachel had planned a life together, and he wasn't going to let either of their stubbornness screw it up. Not until he had exhausted every possible option. Because although they had undergone a tremendous tragedy, Finn knew that the best thing he and Rachel had going for them was each other.

Finn grabbed the papers off the table, noticing the words were no longer a blur in his vision. He hastily made his way to the bedroom with sudden determination in pursuit of his suitcase.

. . .

Rachel took a delicate sip of her wine, lost in a transient of thoughts. She felt disconnected from the rest of her castmates, who all went out for celebratory drinks to celebrate the success of their first two shows. Everything surrounding Rachel seemed to only be softly abuzz, and her eyes remained focused towards the front of the room as she distantly heard her friends let out fits of laughter around her.

"I thought for sure John's pants were going to fall in the middle of that scene," Rachel heard someone joke. John's laugh echoed faintly in Rachel's ears.

"I thought Rachel's eyes were going to bug out of their sockets," he said. "You did an excellent job staying in character for that one, Rach."

Rachel's attention snapped back to focus at the sound of her nickname.

"What?" she asked confused. Her brain quickly caught up from its momentary lag and she let out a humorless laugh. "Oh, yeah," she said, acknowledging his statement.

Everyone looked at her curiously. Rachel ignored their advances and took another sip of wine, not explaining her spacey character any further. She refocused her eyes to the front of the room again towards the piano player at the front.

"You okay, Rachel?" John asked for a moment. Rachel's eyes darted towards him.

"What?" She asked. "Oh, yeah, yeah I'm fine."

"Really?" She heard her co-star Marcia ask. "You seem kind of out of it."

"I'm good," Rachel replied in a monotone voice. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw John give her a look that signaled that he didn't buy anything she was saying. Rachel let out a small smile. This seemed to satisfy their concern and they continued on with the conversation. Rachel tried to keep up, but she couldn't help but to let her mind drift towards other thoughts.

As happy as Rachel was with her success in today's performances and the advancement of her career, she couldn't help but wish that she had someone to share it with—one person in particular. Sure, her dads were almost complete with their move to New York, and they had been there for both shows, but it wasn't the same. As much as Rachel tried to tell herself that she was fine on her own, that thought was discounted as she looked at her castmate's significant others sitting beside them at the table. She longed to be able to share her happiness in her success with the man she loved. The only man she loved.

But it was too late. Their differences, their stubbornness, and their tragedy thwarted any chance they had at their own success.

Rachel felt an ache begin to grow in her chest. She desperately wanted to silently stave off the emotions that battled their way into her heart, but she couldn't hold it in any longer. She had been holding her feelings in about everything for a year—and in the end, it was what destroyed her marriage.

Rachel's reverie was interrupted as she heard the piano player announce the bar's open mic session. It was then that Rachel decided it was time to let out everything that she had been holding in. And although it was too late to say the things she wanted to say to Finn, Rachel felt that she could at least get it out in the universe. It was better late than never.

As she made her way up to the stage before anyone else could, she ignored the questioning looks from her castmates. She made her way over to the piano player and told him her song selection. He nodded and gave her a small smile.

"Ladies and gentlemen, Miss Rachel Berry."

Rachel heard the applause of the room and her castmates as she sat down at the stool in front of the microphone. Taking a deep breath as the beginning of the song began to play, Rachel closed her eyes and sang every line with deep and true conviction:

_I miss those brown eyes  
How you kiss me at night  
I miss the way we sleep_

__

Like there's no sunrise  
Like the taste of your smile  
I miss the way we breathe

But I never told you  
What I should have said  
No, I never told you  
I just held it in

And now,  
I miss everything about you  
Can't believe that I still want you  
And after all the things we've been through  
I miss everything about you  
Without you

I see your brown eyes  
Every time I close mine  
You make it hard to see  
Where I belong to  
When I'm not around you  
It's like I'm alone with me

But I never told you  
What I should have said  
No, I never told you  
I just held it in

And now,  
I miss everything about you  
Can't believe that I still want you  
And after all the things we've been through  
I miss everything about you  
Without you

But I never told you  
What I should have said  
No, I never told you  
I just held it in

_And now,  
I miss everything about you  
Can't believe that I still want you  
And after all the things we've been through  
I miss everything about you  
Without you…_

. . .

Quietly and lethargically, Rachel made her way towards her apartment. It was nearing 2 am and while today had been a physically taxing day, the last two hours at the bar had been emotionally exhausting. And while Rachel felt better after open mic, she was nowhere near healed. That, she guessed, would only come with time.

Rachel turned the key in the lock and opened the door as she heard it unclick. Throwing down her belongings on the floor and tossing her keys on the end table, Rachel reached for the light switch in a trance.

As she illuminated her living room, Rachel was startled at a tall figure sitting on her couch. Screaming in surprise, Rachel's heart rate didn't slow any when she realized who her visitor was.

"Finn…" Rachel began. "You scared the hell out of me," she cursed.

"You always keep the spare key in the same place," Finn said with a miniscule smile. "Do you know how long it took me to find out where you lived?"

"Why…" Rachel stammered, her heart still accelerating at Finn's presence, "why didn't you tell me you were visiting New York?"

"It was sort of a last minute trip," Finn said truthfully. Rachel didn't comprehend his purpose, however, and continued on slightly berated.

"I see," Rachel said. Her feet remained frozen in place for a moment. Finn didn't say anything and only stared at her. Rachel felt herself shift uneasily in her standing position.

"So, what are you doing in my apartment, exactly?" She asked nervously. Rachel had just bared her soul to an anonymous crowd, and she felt that vulnerability remain as she stood near her ex-husband.

"Rachel," Finn began. "We need to talk. I flew to New York to see you. To explain everything to you. So we can stop skirting around each other."

Rachel felt her heart jump into her esophagus. Did he really fly all the way out here to explain his random new romance? That had to be the only reason. After all, the papers were signed. Rachel felt her body freeze at the thought of him being with someone else, and she felt for the first time what it was like to be in his shoes when she gave him the idea that she was possibly seeing Jesse again. Apparently his new relationship was more serious than she anticipated. Rachel felt her world began to crumble a tiny bit more.

"Don't worry, Finn," Rachel said, taking several steps to make sure she was still able to move. "You made your position abundantly clear."

Rachel saw Finn crease his eyebrows in confusion, and before he could respond, Rachel moved to her bedroom. She couldn't stand there as he explained his new relationship to her. Why did he come here to do this in person?

"What are you talking about?" He asked, following her.

Rachel began to surge in anger and she spun around to stare at him.

"You never called me back," Rachel stated. Finn's forehead creased in wonder, which took Rachel by surprise. "I left you messages," she continued. Finn shook his head.

"What messages? I never got them…"

"Enough with the lies, Finn!" Rachel narrowed her eyes and fought off the tears that threatened to spill over.

"Rachel, I'm not lying to you!"

"When I tried calling you again, a girl answered the phone. You don't need to explain anything to me, Finn. We're divorced, and that explanation is as clear as day."

"What the hell are you talking about?" Finn exclaimed. "Rachel, I'm not seeing anyone…"

Rachel looked at him, perplexed. She flopped down on her bed and stared up at him.

"What? You're not?"

Finn tenderly reached for Rachel's small hand and held it in his own.

"No, you silly girl."

Rachel stared up at his face, eyes wide in wonder and confusion. Her skin felt like it was on fire from the contact. Her heart began to drum loudly in her chest.

"But when I called your number," she continued, "a woman answered the phone."

Finn bit his lip, his amber eyes turning into warm liquid.

"I kind of had an accident with my phone and the rain about three weeks ago," he explained sheepishly. "I got a new phone and a new number."

Rachel paused for a moment, processing the information.

"Alright…" she trailed. "So, what are you doing here? What needs explaining?"

She didn't remove her hand from his as Finn squatted down to get to her eye-level.

"Rachel," Finn said sighing. He paused for a moment, unsure of what he wanted to say first. "Rachel, I know I've done some stupid stuff in our relationship. I know that I took you for granted, and I know that we aren't really on the same page half the time. I should have been more understanding when we lost the baby. I should have done a lot of things, but there's one thing I shouldn't have done and that was filing for divorce. It was the biggest mistake I could ever make."

Rachel squeezed Finn's hand in shock at his words. Her mouth gaped open in surprise and her body began to flow with adrenaline.

"I want to be there for you when you need me," he continued. "I want to be at the rest of your shows—which I know about despite you not telling me—and I want to spend every day of the rest of our lives making the past year up to you. If, you know, you'll let me."

Rachel let out an incredulous noise at his declaration. Never in her wildest dreams did she imagine her night ending here.

"Finn, I just…I don't know what to say."

"I know I've been crappy," Finn said. "But I still love you, Rachel. You're the only one who knows me, inside and out. You know what's in my head and in my heart. I'm making a big move here."

Rachel let out a small laugh.

"You mean a grand gesture?"

Finn erupted into a giant smile, lighting up all of his features.

"See what I mean?" he asked.

Rachel reached up to stroke the side of his face gently, running her fingers along the side of his hair. She creased her eyebrows.

"But…but what about the divorce?" She asked shyly. "I signed the papers."

Finn reached down and pulled a file out of his back pocket, and Rachel didn't know whether she was surprised at the document itself or the fact that she hadn't noticed at all that it had been sticking out of his jeans.

"You signed them," Finn said, holding it out. "But I didn't."

Rachel's mouth formed into a perfect O-shape in total shock as Finn tore the document in half right in front of her in one dramatic tug.

"What do you say, Rach?"

Rachel laughed through the steady stream of tears that fell down her face. She lifted both of her hands to either side of his face and pulled him towards her. Right before reuniting her lips with his, she spoke.

"I love you," she whispered simply.

Finn felt a surge of energy at her confession and kissed her with full force. Responding in the same fashion, Rachel wrapped her arms around his neck passionately. She kissed him like it was their first time, and she poured every ounce of emotion into it as the lay down on her bed. Behind her closed eyes, she saw a shower of stars. She never wanted to let go.

Tugging at his shirt, Rachel never let her lips break contact from his. Noting her advances, Finn responded generously and removed his clothing within several quick moves before moving on to Rachel. They broke apart only for a second only for Rachel to get out of her dress. Rachel clung to his large frame like static, not ever wanting to be separated. She needed him as much as she needed air in that moment. Finn was like breathing to her.

Tenderly, Finn began to trace his large fingers along her bare midriff, and Rachel shivered at his soft caress. However, after not being with him—fully with him with no baggage—for so long, Rachel wanted things to go a lot less gently.

Kissing him a lot more roughly, Finn got the message. He broke apart from her now swollen lips and moved down to the sensitive area behind her ear. Shivering in response, Rachel wrapped her legs around his waist and began to create the friction they both had been craving for so long. Finn's audible response told Rachel that she was doing something right, and while they were out of practice, they still had an undeniable chemistry. Rachel peppered his chest with kisses, and unable to contain it any more, Finn connected himself to his wife as they began to make love.

. . .

As Rachel laid with her head on Finn's chest, she couldn't help to try and blink back the tears that seemed to want to constantly fall onto her face. She had been awake all night, just staring at him, unbelieving that he was actually tangible and in her arms.

The sun was beginning to rise and the soft yellow glow on his face made him look more divine than should ever be allowed. Rachel was sure that it wasn't possible that one person could get everything they could ever want, but here they were. She moved to get a better look at his face.

Rachel felt Finn begin to stir and she began to feel guilty. He sleepily opened his eyes only to immediately find hers.

"I'm sorry," Rachel said apologetically. "I didn't mean to wake you."

"No," Finn said, his voice thick with sleep. "You didn't wake me."

"Liar," Rachel giggled.

"No," he smiled. "To be honest I didn't sleep much."

"Why?" Rachel asked concerned. "Is there something wrong with the bed?"

Finn chuckled.

"No," he laughed. "Only you would think there's something wrong with the bed or something weird like that." He leaned down and kissed the top of her head.

"What's wrong, then?"

"I kept waking up because I wanted to make sure you were still here," Finn admitted. "It felt like it was all kind of a dream."

Rachel erupted into a huge grin. She leaned down and kissed his chest.

"I am not a figment of your imagination, I promise," she said.

"Good," Finn said getting out of bed. Rachel scowled.

"Hey," she protested. "I didn't say you could move."

"I'm not," Finn said as he made his way over to the other side of the bed. Rachel sat up and crossed her legs to stare at him.

"What are you do…"

Rachel stopped as she saw Finn kneel down on one knee, swiping something off the nightstand.

"I'm making everything official," he responded. He took her left and in his. "Rachel Barbra Berry—"

"Hudson," she corrected him. He raised his eyebrow at her.

"Let me finish," he joked. Rachel grinned.

"Rachel, I love you. Very much. I promise that we will never get off track the way we were again and I will grow old by your side making sure of it. Will you OFFICIALLY remain my wife?"

"That wasn't cheesy at all," Rachel teased. "And technically I still am your wife so—"

Finn cut her off by leaning in to kiss her. Several moments later, she was out of breath.

"Sorry," she said as they broke apart. "Yes, of course."

Finn smiled as he returned the small band to its rightful place on her left ring finger. Rachel grinned wildly as she wrapped her arms around his neck, embracing him tightly. As she did, Rachel noticed how whole she felt again, and she knew that nothing could come between them this time. As a couple they had faced tragedy and adversity, and she knew that as long as they were together, that would be all they needed to survive whatever the world pinned against them.

They had their own piece of forever within each other, and both of them knew that wherever the other was, that was their home.

* * *

_:)_

_Hope you like it! Once again, there will be an epilogue!_

_Until then, keep reviewing!_

_xoxo_


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